Nov 08 2008
Legend of the Super-Stud
Here’s another bit of common wrong thinking that keeps guys stuck. It rarely gets said openly, but it’s an underlying notion implied in all sorts of pickup literature: the idea that
“I gotta be Superman!”
That in order to attract a lot of hot women you might think you have to be EXCEPTIONAL in all sorts of areas. You might think you gotta be SUPER-funny, SUPER-handsome, SUPER-well-dressed, SUPER-ALPHA. You may think that no really hot girl would want you unless you had all or at least one of those things. You may think that is what hot chicks NEED or are looking for.
The reality, as usual, is different from what it appears. Heard of the law of diminishing returns? A little funny is enough to serve the humor role if you want to use that in your pickups. A little handsome is enough to serve the looks role. Decently dressed is enough to serve that purpose. And simply being alpha, confident, relaxed, and all the basic things is plenty to serve as a foundation for attracting ANY women in the world!
Save the over-achievement for sex itself (and sexual state (credit: Gunwitch)), and sometimes for pulling off amazing closes against last-minute resistance.
My point here is that women are not looking for a superman. Or to state it a better way, a normal guy who is confident, relaxed, alpha, looks decent, is not an asshole, and is sexual and sexually confident, who knows the basics of pickup (that is, how to deal with women and lead them to sex without making her feel like a slut)…is actually a rare find! Ask any women and this they actually do know and can tell you straight up accurately if you give them time to think. (Caveat: in almost all other cases, asking a woman directly what she thinks ranks among the absolute worst ways to get good advice in this area. This is a notable exception.)
Or heck, guys like that are not even that rare - but it doesn’t matter because it’s still quite LIMITED. The supply of hot women is UNLIMITED. When a fine women is open (or persuaded to be open) to a new encounter, she has no easy way of finding such guys without interacting with a lot of them and weeding tons of guys out. It hardly matters if you’re not a superman. It really is diminishing returns.
I can almost hear the objecting voices: “Sure, but why just be alpha when you can be MEGA-ALPHA and out-alpha every other guy in the room? Why just look decent when you can can be super-pimped out and peacocked so as to elicit constant kakkoii’s from passersby?! Come on, man! It’s like you’re advocating giving up much of the past 5 years of progress in pickup technologies!”
That is exactly what I’m advocating.
Pickup is not about showing the girl that you’re “super”! You merely need to demonstrate to her that you have the basic qualities of a sexually desirable man. Believing that she has to see you as the Messiah or some super-dooper-flooper alpha male is a notion based in insecurity. The idea that you have to be king-pimp is based in insecurity. The idea that you need to be rich is based in insecurity. Notice a pattern? Get secure in yourself FIRST, because let me tell you, insecurity is the #1 indicator to a woman that a man is NOT sexually desirable. And none of these things will ever be able to cover.
So let’s kill this legend of pickup gurus and ultra-alpha folk heroes once and for all. Guys either get the basic concepts or they don’t. They are either secure and confident in themselves, and have the other basic qualities of a sexually desirable man, or they don’t. They either have the self-discipline to take the necessary actions to meet and lay hot women, and keep them, or they don’t. Or…they may be on their way there. If you are a basically “well-adjusted” person, then upon discovering my blog, deciding that you want to succeed and making serious efforts in this area, it should never take a newbie more than 3 to 6 months to make life-changing progress. If it’s taking longer, you took a wrong turn somewhere - get back to basics.
And to handle a few lingering objections I know some have: there ARE ways to cover up these weaknesses rather than fix them (if unable or unwilling to fix them). If you think you are too old, fat or ugly to ever be sexually desirable on your own, you could use high-level verbal seductions techniques, which can actually make those things not even matter, believe it or not (Ross Jeffries’ old Speed Seduction course comes to mind). And of course, becoming an excellent closer will multiply ANY guy’s lay rate, no matter what. Other guys’ methods may help you in certain areas (MAY! There are very few teachers out there nowadays who won’t also handicap you in some way with wrong thinking, even as they’re giving you their “killer” techniques - which you will definitely need once that bad thinking infects you). So what I said above is not to be construed to mean there are no place for techniques, just in case it looked that way 
‘Til next time,
Amanojack
“Or…they may be on their way there. If you are a basically “well-adjusted” person, then upon discovering my blog, deciding that you want to succeed and making serious efforts in this area, it should never take a newbie more than 3 to 6 months to make life-changing progress. If it’s taking longer, you took a wrong turn somewhere - get back to basics.”
You mentioned this 3-6 month thing in one of your earlier posts. And so, AJ, while I think 99% of the advice you give is golden, I take an issue with this. After thinking about it, it might just be semantics over a couple phrases, but hear me out:
You qualify that to make life changing progress with 3-6 months, you have to be a “well-adjusted person.” But why should those skills making up a “well-adjusted person” be assumed? I don’t think they can, and that doing so, you make this arbitrary timeline of 3-6 months that if you’re not finding “life-changing progress” in, you begin to lose confidence. It happened to me and I’ve seen it happen to other guys I know aspiring to get better with women.
Maybe I’m taking this the wrong way, and correct me if I am, but that’s like saying, “If you’re ALREADY socially adept and mentally fit then you should have no problem bring women into your life! So if it takes you longer there’s something wrong with you and you’ve been wasting your time.”
I think your 3-6 month estimate simply assumes too much about where any particular guy is starting out. Isn’t one of the major points improving your life via “the pick up community” building up those “basics” of discipline, commitment, positivity, confidence? Some people that have found and decided to follow the community’s advice are coming from painful places, are desperate and are NOT “well-adjusted people.” They don’t have these core skills.
I for sure did not.
My definition for “life-changing progress” is being able to have sex with a girl using skills you’ve learned. So it took about 1.5 years of learning how to be a “well-adjusted person” to see “life-changing progress.” After that, I was able to get laid using entirely skills I learned from PUA knowledge, though still not consistently and with girls I liked. I still have a ways to go, but I’m getting there now, 3 years later.
Have I been wasting my time not focusing on the “basics?” Maybe. I’d like to think I’ve been building up them up this entire time, cultivating those core personality traits / mental skills required to be successful at ANYTHING in life that you mention.
I remember hearing that Sinn went out EVERYDAY to talk to girls at his local mall for 6 months before getting laid once. That’s pretty hard core discipline. And it still took him that long of going out DAILY.
On the other hand there are peeps I know of in Japan like azn_stallion and NewLight, who, after finding game get really really good at it very quickly, as getting with girls they find hot almost immediately after learning and applying advice from . “Well-adjusted people?” Absolutely.
The way I see it is that everyone starts at a different level. So the whole 3-6 month thing doesn’t make sense to me. Anyways, except for this one 3-6 months point, I think you’re one of the best writers out there for helping out tons of confused guys bring happiness to lots more women, so I hope you keep up the awesome advice and blogging. Peace!
AVVesome -
Thanks for your comment. Let me clarify a bit:
“Well-adjusted” is just a term I thought sums up what I mean about having a generally healthy personality with no major issues. It is certainly not assumed. In fact, such people are definitely a minority.
If such a person is not making major strides in 3-6 months, I do not say there is anything wrong with THEM, but with the course they are on.
So my comment was directed toward the material or school of seduction they follow, rather than the person.
In other words, I was just pointing out that if you have no major personal issues and it’s taking longer than 6 months despite your best efforts, it’s time to take another look at your basic ideas about pickup and/or the literature you’re basing your approach on.
I say this because there is now a huge amount of misleading information out there (in fact most of it), or advice based on or couched in misguided assumptions. This will lead guys astray through no fault or shortcoming of their own. Experiencing only marginal progress after 3-6 months is a good warning sign for this.
Hi AJ, Which parts of Gunwitch methods do apply for J-girls? I have the manual , but need some guidance to which parts I need to concentrate on.
sam -
Sexual state. See here for details
http://amanojack.your-japan.com/2007/05/14/eat-dessert-first/
Sweet. Thanks.
Aj, question: Could you give some examples on sexual conversation/topic/questions that can escalate things?
Sexual state is awesome… but do we need those sexual conversation as well?
sam -
The whole idea of sexual state is that you don’t need to talk about anything special.
Sensual topics can be used if the sexual state fails to get her hot enough, but that’s a whole other topic (verbal seduction). There is info on that topic in the archives. A quick example is talking about music, parlaying that into talking about physical sensations, then about making out. Of course you don’t just talk about making out in general, but couch it in the form of a story about someone or yourself. That’s verbal seduction, which is another can of worms to explain.
As for sexual topics, I’ve never found the risk vs. payoff to be worth it. You can get a girl hotter by talking about making out or other sensual or peripheral things than about actual sex. Even when girls want to phone sex or something, I’ve found it’s best not to go explicitly sexual but to imply stuff only. If it’s not good for phone sex, it sure isn’t needed for seduction. HOWEVER, being open to talk about sex casually IF IT COMES UP is great if you can not bat an eye when talking about it. Sexual jokes and such can be useful, but take practice to calibrate. Not my area of expertise so I can’t comment on that very usefully.
Anyway, to sum up, sexual state is about using your imagination and not expressing that explicitly through words but letting it come through in subtle ways in your manner, eye contact, etc. - not consciously or directly. Verbal seduction is a whole other thing, which is not usually required if the sexual state works like it’s supposed to.
Amanojack-
This was an awesome, and really refreshing post. I’m so glad someone could cut through all the marketing, the insecurities, and boil it down to the essentials- “normal guy who is confident, relaxed, alpha, looks decent, is not an asshole, and is sexual and sexually confident, who knows the basics of pickup (that is, how to deal with women and lead them to sex without making her feel like a slut)”.
Well put, and by far one of my favorite posts about pickup.
See You in Japan!
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