Jan 07 2009
A Sleeping Key
Its the middle of the night, and I just woke up and realized I have a key that will help a great many guys make a breakthrough. I had to log in and type this out. Here is the coveted wisdom:
Wondering what’s missing? Been wondering for a long time? Tried many things and it didn’t work?
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Well…..
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Sincerity is what’s missing.
That’s it.
*Note that by “sincerity” I don’t mean “telling the truth” or “revealing your agenda.” I mean a palpable sense of real, disarming sincerity. If you’ve lost it, which I venture most of us have, you can only get it back by re-opening a sincere dialog first with yourself, your real private inner self. “To thine own self…”-type of deal. If you have it, you’ll KNOW absolutely.
If you don’t get what I mean or why I’d make a whole post just about this, you’re almost certainly one of the guys that needs to hear this the most. And you’re probably getting pissed that I’m not elaborating. Right? If so, you’ve been diagnosed.
Meditate on it, though you’ll probably not feel like doing that right now. Maybe it’ll take a few more go-arounds trying different things before you come back to these words. Hope you make it sooner than later. For this is one more of the great and fundamental things that hold guys back. One that I forgot to mention before, because it’s just that easy to forget.
Remember, of all the characters on 30Rock, Kenneth would get laid the most in Japan. Not so much for the blond hair, but for being totally disarming and sincere, even though he takes to absurd extremes. Mark my words, the man would be rolling in pussy here. If you want a TV guy to emulate, his basic type would be it (not absolutely everything he does, but just his general air).
Great blog, Amanojack.
But tell me, don’t Japanese refuse to make out in public? So, how could you do her in a karaoke booth?
Moreover what are good topics to talk about and how do you turn the conversation over to sex?
Thanks for the kind words, Kornel.
Japanese are by and large more adverse to making out in public, but that doesn’t mean they won’t. And karaoke is a lot more private. (Especially if you choose a more private one.)
Three factors also counterbalance the lack of total privacy:
1. The “danger” works to heat up the action. The greater the perceived lack of privacy, the greater this effect becomes, so it’s auto-balancing as long as she is horny.
2. There is much greater feeling of safety in karaoke vs. her being in a stranger’s (your) room. She is still in a public place after all, with all the perceived safety that entails.
3. Along the same vein, there is less possibility for her to feel pressured into it. Once she is in your room or a hotel, a Japanese girl will usually feel that there is some expectation (sometimes even an obligation) to have sex with you. That works against you, for the same reason that danger element of sex in karaoke works for you. (Or more simply stated, feelings of obligation are the exact polar opposite of horniness, whereas “fear of getting caught” is a classic fetish and sexual accelerator.)
Also, as you probably realize, it’s not as if you will go straight from singing to suddenly asking her to have sex there. First go from singing to chatting, up the touching and sensual eye contact as opportunities arise (most ops should be made by you, not by chance), then move into the makeout, then escalate to touching back bare, touching tits, then fingering, maybe eat her out…all along she may well be commenting nervously that someone will see or whatever…then when she is massively horny and thinking “aww, fuck it” sex becomes a much easier sell. (By “sell” I don’t mean to imply you’d be talking; it’s essentially all physical at this point.)
Good topics are anything sensual, but not directly sexual…stories that include making out is as sexual as I will let my conversations get, because any more and she will often feel like she’s setting herself up to be pressured into it. If she initiates lurid conversation, answer without batting an eye, as if it has nothing to do with the two of you but you’re perfectly comfortable with the topic anyway, then get off the topic once she does. Unless she directly suggests sex with you, don’t respond with words, just escalate as you can, judging by eye contact - if she’s open that will always work anyway; words can only hurt you there.
More importantly, stay away from (and tactfully get her off of) topics that incite any OTHER emotions or are otherwise highly inconsistent with setting the sensual mood. Besides the obvious no-nos like her work (yours could be ok if you keep it focused on showing passion or demonstrating personality) and politics, also avoid giving her advice, trying to solve her personal problems, etc. You want to get her mind as far away from those practical and everyday things as possible. You should also be the one talking most so that you can control the conversation. If she controls the conversation she will just drive it into the ditch, or else somewhere far from sex. She can’t be the one responsible for you two having sex!
A conversation about nothing is perfectly fine. The action is all in the eye contact, voice modulation and touching, and maybe some laughter to facilitate the touching. Verbal seductions should be resorted to only when you need to add fuel to the fire because there is not enough heat to get to the makeout, or if things are moving too slowly for the time you have. I say “only” but this can be quite often depending on (1) how and where you meet and how you screen the girls you take out, (2) how much sensuality you can convey and make her feel in normal conversation through voice, eye contact, and touching, and (2) simply depending on the type of girl and her initial attraction to you and expectations for the meet.
Ha, well, I see Amanojack. Thanks for you fast response.
I haven’t read all your posts and I am not familiar with that whole seduction stuff.
But I can’t help doubt your success, on the one hand you never mention any rebuff -as far as I read- and the story with that one girl in the convenience, which you spoke to for 20 minutes, and layed her later, is sheer unbelievable.
You know, I acknowledge a few of your suggestions, to touch and make them laugh can ease the situation and leads you to win her sympathy. But to lay her, I guess you need more.
By the way, I went studying today with two fellow students, one of them was a girl. I couldn’t help think on your stuff, so I made more than usually actions like teasing her, I tickled her and touched her a few times. So she was in a good mood (I guess), but that was a rather serious situation (studying), so I daresay there is no way to lead that to something.
However, I must confess that I ’seduced’ her driving me to the supermarket to, because I don’t own a car…
That is why I have admit that you’re hints are usefull
Kornel,
I’m usually a little too polite to get “rebuffed,” but I certainly lose on attempts or have times where I can’t seem to grab a girl’s sexual imagination and don’t get anywhere with her as a result. If I approach girls scattershot late Friday night in the hostess area I will certainly get a lot that just ignore me flat. Nothing really happens there except they don’t acknowledge your presence, or maybe she will say she’s gotta go. To have one get openly irritated or tell me she’s not interested on approach is rare in Japan, partially also due to the culture. And as for not mailing me back or not showing up for meets, it happens all the time. However, I do lay about 70% of the girls go on an actual “date” with (95% of the ones on the net (excluding ones that I just had no interest for at all)). The insta-pickup at the convenience store was just an example where I had excellent imaginative focus and never let any word leave my mouth or movement be made that would be inconsistent with that picture I held in my mind of the exact result I wanted. Again, it’s hardly a common occurrence that I’ll even try to get an insta-lay like that, and even rarer that I would succeed, but it sometimes happens and never fails to surprise me when it ends up going so smoothly.
Lesson: You never know the limits of reality until you test them. If you haven’t tested them all the way to the edge, then wherever you imagine/believe the edge is you’re likely to be wrong.
In other words, if you disbelieve it because you have personally tried it and seen where the edge lies directly, I would say you can choose not to believe it. But if you haven’t tested the limits in your very own first-hand experience you simply aren’t in a position to know.
Perhaps you’re also visualizing it like I am going to make Proposition X to them and they are going to say, “Sorry, no thanks”? It just doesn’t work like that. The communication is subtle enough that getting her to go with you somewhere or to give you her number happens through a series of gradual progressions on implication, recognition of increasing intimacy, and mutual perception of interest. If she doesn’t seem to show any interest in me at all (easy to discern from experience), I usually won’t ask, and if I do ask it will be once it seems appropriate - so no rebuffs usually. Keep in mind, everyone reading this, that simply going along with me or quietly following my lead in what to do shows me plenty that she is interested. Not a single act or word of apparent interest is necessary, and 30% or so of girls will never make much or any open sign of interest. If she comes along when you invite her step outside, that’s interest enough at that stage.
If you’re just looking to hear an epic rebuff story from the opening stages I can give you some I’ve had, but I don’t find them worthwhile reflecting on. Failure stories (happening later on in the seduction), however, are an other matter. Those I have posted on before, because they are great for learning.
The one in the convenience store is totally true, and still see that girl every few months now. That was pretty unusual for me, and surprising. Some guys do this every few weeks or so, or even more often if they lower their standards. Why I think you’re finding it hard to believe is that, if it were true then that would mean there are girls all around you (in Japan, at least), who could potentially be approached and taken home very quickly. That might be too radical a reality to swallow, because it might contradict what you think you know about the world and about women. If that’s the case, you could gain tremendous benefit from looking into the issue more deeply - by reading the archives or even certain resources elsewhere.
Regarding “touching,” “making her laugh,” “needing more to lay her”… Please read my series on Touch in the archives in the calendar months on the right of the page for an overview of what role touching and making her laugh can play. A touch escalation eventually equals a lay, so everything is really an excuse for more touch escalation, in one way of looking at it. I think the Touch series should clarify this avenue of learning.
Certainly women like to be seduced, although with some guys’ definition of seduce that is not so true. It’s all just part of the larger field of persuasion. That’s why salesmen are often a little better than average at bedding women (holding constant for appearance, etc.).
As for studying being to “serious” to lead to something, I don’t see what you mean. Seems as good a situation as any, especially if you could get rid of the other guy. Studying is usually boring and makes people want to do something else. Especially since you seem to be able to use humor to snap her out of the “gotta study” mindset, there’s your answer right there. Once she’s out of that mindset for a moment, the seduction can begin in earnest. Or you can dip in and out of it. If you two are enjoying interacting on the tickling-joking-teasing-touching wavelength, an example way to lead to sex would be:
Joking/teasing until she laughs and attacks back, then “punish” her by tickling, then escalate that into “animalistic play-caveman” style, which I explained in older posts. That gets you pretty well to sex if you are in a private place. Elsewhere the goal is usually reduced to getting the makeout, after which you have started in on the sprint to your room - and how to do that part is covered mighty extensively in the archives (especially in some of the comments). Sorry I can’t refer to specific pages, but I don’t write anything just for kicks. It’s all cherry-picked info I consider highly valuable to success (this site is just some of the “greatest hits” and more accessible articles from my personal notes modified and explained for a general audience). There are a couple of other classic ways to handle that situation as well.
Hi Amanojack,
what I meant with a serious sitation is, that we won’t pass our next tests and therefore won’t remain on universtiy anymore, if we don’t cram. And that is also the very reason, why I just don’t have the time to read your older posts.
So, a more detailed response of mine, will come later.
But one last question:
Why do you do this? Why do you share your knowledge, experience and impressions, why do you reveal just this very privat topic on the web?
Kornél
Kornel,
Oh yes, that is serious. Some would say the more serious the more opportunity for heating things up to break the tension, but if you had to study, too, I understand why.
I like helping people, its usually pretty easy to, and wish I’d had someone to help me in this area some years ago.
Interesting that you use Kenneth from 30 Rock as an example…
I only just learned the other day how the word “naive” (ナイーブ) in Japanese has a wholly different connotation than it does in English. No one wants to be thought of as “naive” in English, but in Japanese it refers more to being innocent and pure-minded, generally “good” traits.
And of course, both definitions of “naive” would apply well to Kenneth.