Natural, unchangeable physical characteristics matter least, provided you look somewhat normal.
Appearance including clothes and hairstyle does matter, but it matters less and less the better you get at attracting women on a visceral level.
Objection 1: "But I made big gains just by getting better clothes."
Response: When your attraction skills are weak, improving your appearance will net you big gains. So by all means, improve what is easy and cheap to improve right now. It will make you feel better about yourself anyway, which will show through in your confidence, making you more attractive on a visceral level as well.
Do not, however, get bogged down in the appearance game. The fundamentals of attracting women have nothing to do with appearance, and all the frivolities can easily distract you. If working on your appearance in any way detracts from your focus on the fundamentals, you've gone too far.
While you're developing your fundamental attraction skills, spend some time and money on improving your appearance as well. Just don't let it get in the way. The big strides toward success with women all come from changes in your attitude, understandings, and attraction skills.
Objection 2: "A chick mentioned my fashion when I asked her why she liked me."
Girls will comment on whatever they can when asked such a question. When they are really attracted to you, the fact is they simply will not know the reasons why, whether they think they know or not. Appearance can tip the scales for you when your attraction program fails to really spark a chick's interest and she's sitting on the fence about you.
Yes, that extra little push is highly useful at those times, but you also have to realize that the fact that appearance tipped the scales in your favor is a strong sign your attraction skills need work. Too many guys walk away from experiences like that thinking that appearance is much more important than they thought, when the real lesson is that the basic attraction game is what needs improving.
Objection 3: "Better appearance helps you get a foot in the door. Some girls won't even give you the time of day if you don't meet their visual standards."
That's true in some cases, but it only figures prominently if you lack persistence. In the case of Japanese girls, provided you look somewhat decent and not scary, the only reason they might not give you the time of day would be related to your not being Japanese and her being afraid of how she would communicate with you. Since this can be overcome by persistence in 30 seconds or less, it's not much of an issue.
This is just another case where appearance matters A LOT...IF you are missing some of the fundamentals. Persistence in the approach is one of these fundamentals. You can either spend a lot of time and money on your appearance or simply grow some balls and persist in the approach. Most guys would still choose the first option. The real way to go is to work on your appearance AND grow some balls. You actually don't need that big of balls anyway, once you understand the principles at work. It is actually not a scary thing once you are in there doing it.
In conclusion, don't forego your appearance, but also don't fall into the illusion that it will make or break you, because if that is your experience then you could be making much greater progress working on basic skills instead. These basic skills are the main topic of this blog.






19/02/2007, 15:41
You deleted my comments again. What's the problem? Are physical beauty, personality and fashion not important?
19/02/2007, 15:46
I didn't delete your comments. They are still there, in all their glory. Check it out -
http://amanojack.yourjapan.jp/post/22/268
19/02/2007, 17:34
Sorry, I'm a bit all over the place on the posts.
Anyway, so what you're saying is that looks and fashion are not as important as your balls. Tactics are the key; but tactics, looks and appearance are a powerful mix.
Getting back to my original question, do you have anything more concrete with regards to presentation.
20/02/2007, 05:17
Tranny, just be kind a walk away, could you.
I would suggest not to exaggerate with working on the clothes, looks and style, but quite frankly they do make a difference.
A lot of girls looking for, ahem, some more intimate entertainment will immediately cross you out from their list if at the first glance they don't find you attractive enough.
Still, this is just first ten point on one hundred scale.
20/02/2007, 05:25
Damn, some parts of my comment disappeared on the way.
@ Tranny :
Be kind and walk away, could you?
@ everybody else :
point = points
@ the author :
Thanks for the reply on RailPass post.
Could you send me an email so that I know how to contact you?
My address :
kotoooshu[REMOVETHIS][AT]gmail[DOT]com
(note that there are three 'o's, since Oshu is written with long o and also kotooshu@gmail.com was already taken, darn)
20/02/2007, 09:41
The richer you are, apparently, the better sex you have. That's according to a recent survey of more than 600 high-net-worth individuals. And rich
women, it seems, enjoy sex the most.
Hannah Shaw Grove and Russ Alan Prince, two well-known researchers on the abits of the rich and famous,...surveyed people with an average net worth
of $89 million, and who make more than $9 million per year. They found that money is an enabler in a number of ways to enhance sexual
experiences.
20/02/2007, 10:01
Or let me put it another way. You geeks are not going to get laid with anything but dizzy Japanese empty-heads because all you have are half-baked mind games that are barely the pedophile guise of "grooming."
20/02/2007, 10:07
↑ Let's hear it for self-limiting beliefs.
20/02/2007, 10:33
Hey Amano, like the blog. I have a problem I was wondering if you could help with. It's kinda a long story, but bear with me....
I met this really beautiful woman over a year ago at a car show. We really hit it off from the start.
Since I work in the auto industry I was planning to use her as a model for our shows in Asia. A few months later she told me she would like to have dinner with me. I was really happy, and at the dinner we interacted like we were already best friends.. By that I mean there was no intimacy, but she seemed to really enjoy my company.
From there we began to have dinners regularly. I paid every time. She really seemed to enjoy this, though, and I make good money so I was fine with it. She even started locking arms as we walked to and from the restaurant. I felt some kind of special feelings welling up, and one day we hugged, but never kissed. We were talking on the phone every few days when she was away.
Later she revealed to me that she had a boyfriend. I assumed that was why she wouldn't go further.
Some time after that she started complaining about her boyfriend, saying she wanted to move out of his place and into her own apartment. I was braced for a big change in the way things had happened so far. We'd been going out so much and we got along so well that I was sure it was time for us to get serious.
So we decided to go to stay at a luxury hotel for a week. I arranged a nice room.
Then a week before the trip she says she wants to have her own room. We talked about it and she said she really likes me but wanted her own room.
We went into the city and had a nice time shopping and going out. I really felt something was about to happen.
Each night before going to sleep she hugged me, but she wouldn't let me kiss her. I want to mention that she never asked me to buy anything for her. I think her feelings were genuine, but something was wrong or maybe I was doing something wrong.
After the trip we kept going out for dinners every few weeks and she then one day she told me she really liked me as a friend. But that I should not expect more.
I know she likes tall, strong men. I am not that tall or strong. She started to be really confusing. She said she didn't like how I looked at her and touched her, so she cut off our relationship. I was crestfallen.
...
Just recently we met by chance in a jewelry shop where her friend works. She told me she was doing modeling nearer to where I live, and that she'd finally moved out of her boyfriend's place.
We started to see each other again and had several nice dinners. I got the feeling that everything was set to happen. Every time I visited her at the shop and we had dinners, I could see in her body language that she liked me. But I didn't want to risk her getting mad at me for any reason, so I didn't want to force anything. So I didn't try hugging or kissing at all.
Four weeks ago we had agreed to have dinner. We were to meet at the entrance to the shopping mall where the jewelry shop is. When I came she was there hugging another guy and she introduced us to each other. She had some kind of relation with the mall security guard.
I must say I was really confused.
But we still had dinner that evening. I asked what her boyfriend said when I took her out. She told me that he had nothing to do with us.
She also told me that the relation with the guy was not so very serious and that he was kind of strange.
One week later I visited her at the shop on a Friday afternoon. We had some small talk and I asked her out for dinner that evening. She told me that she couldn't because she should go out with her girl-friends.
One of her girl-friends then told me that she and the boyfriend had visited the guy's parents that Friday.
I got a lot of unanswered questions in my mind... I am so damn confused... I would appreciate any advice, tip, or ideas...
Thanks in advance.
20/02/2007, 11:39
No, Mr Jack-Off, let's hear it for "facing reality." You can get done with literally thousands of brain-dead slugs who are impressed by your "gaijin-ness" or who you can scam into your futon. When it comes to quality woman (who do exist in Japan), your "tricks" stand little chance with the cream because you're not even in a spectator in the bleachers, let alone able to enter the league.
20/02/2007, 11:43
BenBonnet, it's not looking good for you my friend.
Start here:
www.doubleyourdating.com
Get the e-book and let the re-educating begin. It'll be the best investment you ever made.
20/02/2007, 11:45
Lark-sensei> What are you so angry about? You may want to invest in the same book I recommend to Ben.
20/02/2007, 11:52
Re: Professor
If you think you know better than me, why not post your knowledge here? Put up or shut up.
20/02/2007, 13:30
Post my "knowledge" on what? I'm not in the game of exploiting my "specialness" to bed starry-eyed kids that I find on the streets, parks and cheap clubs. This country is full of people who are stupid enough to fall for sex pests. I'm just calling you on the lameness of it all.
20/02/2007, 14:00
professor lark:
So what do the investment bankers do to get women?
20/02/2007, 14:11
"Professor" Lark sounds like a future guest star on "To Catch a Predator" on MSNBC.
AJ hits the nail on the head that it's confidence that makes you attractive. Looks, clothes, cars, etc. could get the girl to initiate the conversation. In reality, I think it just gives confidence to the owner. It's confidence that gets you to initiate the conversation that'll make all the superflous crap meaningless.
Sure, wear good clothes if it makes you "come for the bull", a good mindset puts your in the game. Granted, in Japan, your clothing probably matters less than in the the states. Just don't fall into the trap that you need a good car, lotsa cash, good clothes, a big penis, a large tongue, a 300 lb benchpress, 5% bodyfat, good hair, blah, blah, blah. The lack of those things are just excuses to psych you out of the game.
Keep up the good work.
20/02/2007, 20:17
Dear BenBonnet, you have just been taken advantage of. In your post I didnt even read about the way you wanted her, you seemed so indifferent, so I really wonder whether its a cry for help (you are actually willing to commit to growth and take the leap of faith) or whether its a chosen helplessness.
I think Jack would like to give you a lot of advice, just let me at him for a second JACK;). Im not sure if that post is a joke, and if it is, there are a million things that I want to tell you you did wrong, although i suppose that would only be relative from my point of view.
You are a poor bastard who got played like for the $$$. Are you kidding me? You need to open your eyes and realize what the fuck shes doing to you.
You seem like a very intelligent person by the way, and your ideas were conveyed very well.
Ill leave you with a few tidbits of advice.
1.Dont make an agreement that you will pay for dinner always.
2.Dont let her assume just because you have more money than her you will treat her to the spoils of your own hard work.
3.Dont help a bitch in a time of need, or a crisis, it will bring you down if you dont have your game tight. Especially bitches with boyfriends or any that talk about that shit.
4.You sound really curious to burn your own toes about inquiring about her relationship status.
5. You write like you need to BECOME what she wants, which is not true"strong, tall." Thats bullshit.
Just about a month ago, I pulled a bangin girl, I was really considering adding her to the "stable" so to speak. In the morning I realized she was carrying a big back of clothes, I asked why she had em, she told me she had just broken up with her boyfriend last night and taken all of her clothes from his place. After hearing that I didnt feel like wasting the time or energy to keep her on, so I never called her back.
Moral of story: respect yourself, and dont waste yourself playing with fire where you might get burned.
20/02/2007, 20:46
It's getting a bit hot in here so let's hug it out guys. Let'? the love flow. It's good for the soul.
Let's forget about the appearance, fashion, personal hygiene and money and focus on what's really important...the mind and the attitude. It doesn't mean you have to give up yoga classes, Prada, mouthwash and Asian fusion restaurants. It's like loosening your belt when you can smoke Peace cigarettes; wear polyester shirts and cartoon ties; sport goatees and facial bum-fluff; and chug chuu-hais at the station.
Anyway, I'm not going to throw away my Chanel Allure Sport just yet. I think it's important to have a little luxury in life.
21/02/2007, 09:47
Benbonnet only paraphrased a 1999 ASF post:
http://www.pickupguide.com/badpu1.htm
Who could ever forget a story like that?
21/02/2007, 12:51
Yeah, that's a classic post. The guy makes almost every mistake in the book. I don't even know where to start with that, but I loved MrSex's reply to that post. So spot on. If anyone has the reply post feel free to paste it here.
What it comes down to is having the power and choice you need so you do not have to lower yourself to dealing with that kind of situation. The guy would be thinking, "If only I knew what to do I could finally get that girl," but in reality if he knew how to get that girl he would immediately ditch her and go find a better girl or girls.
It's astonishing just how much simply NOT KNOWING this stuff can destroy a guy's friendships, spoil his fortunes, and bring him to ultimate ruin. At least that guy had the good sense to ask for help. And god, if there are any guys with problems like these, please post 'em here.
22/02/2007, 00:58
It's so suspicious when a girl doesn't mind you paying. Usually when I'm in Japan the girls wanna pay, because you are gaijin and therefore a guest to their country.
22/02/2007, 10:55
The reality is that a lot of you mugs can only get laid based on your exoticism. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you except it for what it is. But don't go kidding yourself that you've discovered some kind of psychological method that's going to make you Daniel Craig.
For most of you, it will be a numbers game. Even amongst the gaijin males, you have to compete like everyone else. If you can't cut it with your personality, style, money or looks, the advice here might be all you've got left. Then again, you could work at bettering yourself and making yourself more appealing to women, instead of using schlocky scams on junior high school kids.
22/02/2007, 11:42
And let that be a lesson to you!
While we're out enjoying ourselves with sexy girls, Lark-sensei will be courting his 38 year-old English conversation partner.
22/02/2007, 12:33
Amanojack keep up the good work!
Its good to find objective and academic analysis of this stuff from a male's perspective.
You do a good job of level-headedly talking about these issues clearly and honestly, without a lot of bullshit or bragging.
22/02/2007, 14:06
Niku, don't embarrass yourself. For a start, guys who are usually successful with girls rarely go around blow-arsing about it. Secondly, you know sweet f.a. about women if you think that they all fall for some psycho-dribble that some low-rent gaijin learnt on the internet.
22/02/2007, 15:43
Very simply, Lark-sensei, a lot of the stuff works. And it is no more "psycho-dribble" than buying your girl flowers to gain her affection, or kissing her when she is smiling at you.
But I do agree with your statement, "guys who are usually successful with girls rarely go around blow-arsing about it." I wish they would blow arse more often so I could learn from them. I'm grateful to the guys that do talk about it.
22/02/2007, 16:06
Actually, speaking of "blowing arse," I was listening to the Seduction Podcast yesterday and its interview with Dan (Social Hitchhiker) from Charisma Arts. They talk about the concept of "approval seeking."
I'm probably not doing it justice, but this is the notion that in our behavior we are seeking other people's approval rather than simply being in ourselves and not giving a crap what anyone thinks about us. Most guys instinctually do the former, whereas the latter is actually a far better way to be attractive/get attraction. Guys who are continually supplicating to the girl, being nice to get stuff (ie. affection) from her etc. (which is actually a really ingenuine and nasty form of devisiveness), are in fact more likely to be attracting only her derision.
So getting back to the podcast, Dan was saying that when he originally started his pick-up-themed Social Hitchhiker blog, he didn't realize it but he was seeking approval from the men in the seduction community. He thought he was being helpful, perhaps being cool, but he was approval-seeking. Thus his blog contained a lot of stuff he doesn't even think is true anymore. And now that he is much better with women and more confident, the content of his blog is more effective and true to who he is.
22/02/2007, 20:29
"Niku, don't embarrass yourself. For a start, guys who are usually successful with girls rarely go around blow-arsing about it. Secondly, you know sweet f.a. about women if you think that they all fall for some psycho-dribble that some low-rent gaijin learnt on the internet."
So I guess the guys that do get ass spend their time criticizing other peoples work.
You are in the wrong place to be blasting on people like us.
23/02/2007, 13:37
Hey Amano,
this is a little off-topic but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this phenomenon in Japan - http://www.mattromaine.com/2007/02/22/creepy-crawlies-comin-out-o-the-woods/
I am curious to know if you were aware of that kind of thing happening and if it somehow affects your game there.
Thanks!
23/02/2007, 13:40
Listen up Jules. I know a gaijin slut who does many young hot babes that one would think would be way out of his league. He's a bar tender in a "gaijin" bar. He used to be a very good guy but since he's become a "stud," he's turned into a complete twat and believes there is definitely something "special" about him. I can see through the whole schtick and it is plainly embarrassing. It happens to a lot of young male Westerners who turn up on these shores. In many ways, he's like a performer in the circus. If that's what you want, fine, but think about your self respect. There is nothing cheesier that "Big in Japan" syndrome.
You're only going to get the real hot babes through your personality, charisma, successs, etc. It's not going to be achieved by "studying" on internet blogs. It's like people who read "road to riches" guides.
23/02/2007, 13:57
Yes indeed, it is impossible to learn by reading things. Especially things online. Thank you Professor for showing us the light!
Now, I have to go and learn about how to get a better personality, more charisma and success. Can you give me advice on how to do this, since I've just eliminated the most popular and effective form of self-help available on the planet?
Many thanks in advance,
Your faithful student.
23/02/2007, 14:55
The big-headed gaijin syndrome is real. It IS easier to get average girls in Japan than in the West. With some guys in certain positions it becomes wayyyy easier, like if they are a bartender or work at Disneyland. They might even have an easy ticket with some very hot girls.
Yet this is irrelevant to me because there are always girls who are out of your reach. There are always girls who won't like you naturally. Then what do you do?
Imagine you became Brad Pitt. You can still find chicks all over the place who have no interest in you. If you have no skills or knowledge, you're stuck the hand you're dealt. If you're Brad Pitt but stuck on the one girl who isn't attracted to you, life sucks just as much as it does for any guy in that situation.
Now imagine you're an aging rockstar. No one likes your music anymore. All your old fans are in their 40s. You want girls in their 20s. You're screwed just as badly as if you'd never been famous...IF you don't know how attraction works and you don't have the skills to make woman want to be with you. If it always came easy for you you probably don't have any skills.
That's the amazing and counterintuitive thing about what I talk about on this blog: the most powerful skills and knowledge CAN in fact be learned.
Society teaches us that you have to meet certain standards and requirements to get hot chicks. Most of these are unchangeable, or at least too intangible to be learned from reading.
What society taught us about getting girls is totally backwards. It is the CHANGEABLE and LEARNABLE skills that make 90% of the difference. It is something you can study and get way better at. Many guys have such wrongheaded ideas that simply gaining accurate knowledge will improve their chances of getting a hot girl by a factor of ten.
Then once you go out and actually get real world experience you shoot up even higher.
Being in Japan gives you a big bonus on top of all of this, but there are plenty of guys in Japan who still aren't getting satisfying result, or who want even better than they already got. I personally am interested in even higher levels of choice with women, as I think many guys are. Call me greedy. No matter how good it gets, it can still get better.
27/02/2007, 19:20
but you know since you guys mentioned looks i always thought you know a guy who is dark (not being racist ok)
will have much less chances of going out with a very very cute JAPANESE Girl because i read all the time that not only in japan but all over the world to girls your complexion matters, then your charisma etc
but what i also read is that JAPANESE Girls are not racist is this true ???....because they are the type that go for the class and charisma ??
08/03/2007, 10:08
kaito
yes! complexion matters. get over it and go through the numbers, it's just like sales, you can't close them all.
a thought on rascism...
being black i've been laid often enough by j-girls who've said, 'i only want a white man', what a stupid thing to say, but whatever. i don't even hear it. truly classy j-girls don't think that way - i gnore it totally. they said that because of what they've been taught through the media (and other white men) about white men and all the other ethnic groups. be intelligent enough to think about who controls the media and adjust accordingly.
i once met a black guy that told me, "i want to meet a j-girl who understands the struggles of black men"
WHAT AN IDIOT! j-girls wouldn't understand and don't care. he wants the market to adjust to him. i adjust to the market.
by calculated design, at no time do i look like the 'typical'(whatever that really means) black guy. i don't date the roppongi type j-girl, they are usually looking for white men. nor do i date the 'wanna be with a black type'
i smile more than the average (black)person because it helps break the 'image' and i dress better. my goal is to focus on getting that girl to talk about herself or listen intently to what i'm saying.