Getting with J-girls

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What's Your Sticking Point?

80 Comments on "What's Your Sticking Point?"

1. Posted by Niku [ Reply ]
   23/02/2007, 16:44

   That sounds counter-counter-intuitive. So you're saying you would insist they give you their number, then you would contact them a whole lot and make a big deal about meeting them, and that brought success? That seems to run against all the PU theory out there. Is this an only-in-Japan thing?

   My sticking point: approaching girls in a place where I'm not supposed to be approaching them - like women's shops, makeup counter, silent train cars. Do you do that?

   
   
2. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
   23/02/2007, 19:12

   I don't contact them a whole lot, just one brief msg that shows a lot of excitement about meeting through the phrasing and icons.

   I think this style is specially good in Japan. But keep in mind that it worked for me because of my natural characteristics in how I tend to interact. I don't know how it would work for others. I am very "clean" in the sense that I don't give away my power easily or show interest in a way that really lets them ascertain that I "like" them. It's a fine line to walk and I can walk that line well, so I use this, but it may not work for most guys. It wasn't meant to be general advice, just an example of how I solved my unique sticking point.

   As for yours: I had this one, too (still have it but only shows up sometimes).

   To solve this, I toned down my analyzing auto-pilot. You want to be noticing where you are less. Otherwise everything inside you is gonna tell you to stop.

   I went into 109 with two other guys, no girls. We just mosied into the shops and had fun looking at women's clothes - there actually are some pretty funky items in there. We programmed this belt with a digital readout to say "FUCK YOU". Anyway, it's really nerve-racking until you actually get in there and get talking. Once you're there you'll find the girls are quite happy to talk. The guys get a bit frisky, though - moving in on their territory as it were. But they won't do anything the first time usually. If you frequent a place they get frisky because then they could see you as a real threat to what was their little niche.

   Anyway, the keyphrase is "don't think, just go". Make a move. Jump in. Maybe you're nervous but you fight through it. The fact that you were nervous messes up your first approach but now you're ready for the next one. From the second one on you are in great state because you really gave your all in that first approach and suffered through that brief bout of discomfort.

   In 90% of cases the girls respond surprisingly favorably. It's refreshing for them to be interacting with a guy for a change.

   In silent train cars the key is "once you get into the convo, it's not you that's nervous, it's everyone else".

   There you are, getting hot under the collar as you imagine going up to the girl. As you walk up, all eyes are on you. They seem to say, "Hey gaijin boy, steppin' up?" Harsh tingles go up your spine. It messes up your voice as you open her. You try not to turn red.

   But as soon as you utter the first words, your roles are reversed and it's now everyone else that is hot under the collar as they watch you. You got in there. You are now the one dishing out the nervousness, and strangely all your own nervousness is instantly washed away. Proceed as usual.

   Makeup counter? All these situations suggest a fear of what others will think. You're fearing them - in a sense. But what you don't realize is they will be the ones feeling the heat you once you actually pull the trigger.

   So just remember: you don't have to fight the fear for very long, only the few seconds it takes you to walk up and open. Once you open it's them that feel the heat, or they just won't care. Either way, that awful nervousness is completely dispelled after those few seconds, so just go for it.

   If you're worried the boss is going to come along and hassle you, stop. What usually happens is the boss ignores it. Next most common is the boss is a girl and gets jealous and wants in. Third is that the boss is a guy and shies away or wants in because he wants to practice English. Fourth is they are really busy and she gets swept away with work stuff. None of these are particularly scary. If anyone is scared in these situations it's the staff, because they think their lack of English will be exposed (no matter that you are speaking all J) or because they don't know how to deal with this unusual situation.

   Talking to the boss is actually helpful because if the boss likes you you have an authority figure on your side who can tease your target about you after you leave and make you seem safer and "officially approved".

   Think you can't stay talking for long? Often you can. My friend and I once held up a waitress for 20 minutes talking at our table, even though the restaurant was fairly busy (she was a senior staff member, though).

   You think they're gonna have to leave, but in reality what's making them leave? They have an obligation to do their job, but pleasing the customer is part of that. If you are persistent enough, she feels excused in that she can point to your visible persistence to explain why she didn't return to work faster.

   If she's walking away, a simple technique is to just say, "Wait!" with or without a gentle but firm tug on the upper arm.

   Just keep rolling with new topics or new things to show her - whatever catches her interest. It's not like some doomsday timer is clicking. Nothing bad is going to happen to you if you take up too much of her work time. Really, nothing special happens, no matter how long you detain her.

   In summary, act as if rules don't exist, or as if you are too dull to notice them.

   You see a guy alone in Victoria's Secret, but he's not jerking off all over the lingerie, he's just acting normal. Do you suspect him? Of course not. He could be shopping for a present for his girlfriend. He could be gay. Who knows? Intrigue is created. Who would think to try to pick up chicks in a Victoria's Secret? As long as he is social and not sulking around, he's totally fine.

   So you need confidence and the ability to behave normally as if you are in a normal situation. To do this you may need to get in a good state by doing a warm-up approach. As I mention elsewhere, the first approach will warm you way up provided you give it your all and the girl provides some resistance to being approached.

   
   
3. Posted by Steven [ Reply ]
   24/02/2007, 05:40

   What you talk about is a very different way of this than I have been doing. You seem to enjoy a high rate of closing the deal. Mine is not bad but needs work. In alot of the clubs I end up at the guys are doing the very agressive young man approach. I sit back see them making their mistakes and when the girl looks at me I just smile and have another drink. At 35 alot of them think I am too old but I keep to the smile and relaxed style. Alot of them I think see me as the escape from the hounds and I get what the boys were chasing. I am going to keep reading your blog to see if you have ideas that fill in the gaps.

   
   
4. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
   24/02/2007, 12:46

   Steven,

   You're talking about how there are the aggressive guys (not always young IME) that go too far, while you're just calmly watching, waiting for your chance.

   I've been there. This is a tricky situation because it could show strength or weakness.

   It could show weakness if the girl feels you are afraid to make your move and are just a spectator.

   Hence I recommend doing something besides just sitting and drinking and watching. What I do at clubs is dance. I dance my heart out, alone.

   To anyone watching it is obvious that I am totally into the dancing, lost in the music. Of course I'm slightly noticing what's going on around me, and sometimes I see girls' eye on me because of how I'm dancing - I can be very good sometimes.

   That way you're waiting for when the time is right, but doing so from a position of strength because you have something you are more interested in than the girls.

   By the same token, you could come with friends and just have a great time together. Ideally laugh a whole lot, get totally lost in your world. You want to look more into your friends than you are into the girl. Same principle as the dancing really.

   From that position of strength you can totally choose when you want to approach, or if you just want to wait for an approach invitation you can do that, too.

   Waiting for an approach invitation (such as eye contact from the girl) lets you know that you've been "pre-approved" so a lot of guys find this way more comfortable.

   But the advantage of not waiting for an approach invitation is you get bonus points for having balls, not needing to know that it's a sure-thing before you go in. And since you can choose when you go in you can wait until there are no guys on her if you want. (If you are sitting there just drinking alone, you can still wait for her to be free, but it looks a lot more like you were always watching and waiting...not a good impression. So doing something else gives you the ability to choose your own timing without penalties.)

   Either way, you have an advantage going in.

   As for being 35, I don't have any awareness of it mattering. I've seen 50-year-old guys picking up young girls in Motown, with the girls having a blast. Many Japanese girls are totally into older guys. In fact one girl I'm with now has a habit of saying, "Come find me again when you're 35 - that's the perfect age for a man." She's 21, and yes, she honestly said "35".

   That said, if I were 35 I would avoid clubs. Street pickup is much more fun, and I think mature guys have an advantage there. It takes a lot of smooth steadiness to do street. But if clubs are your thing I'm sure you can make it work.

   One thing is if you can get into conversation with a girl and she has your ear, you can start applying verbal seduction techniques to make her fall for you in spite of the age difference. This is the most fun part of it all, but this is the one element most guys lack. They don't seem to realize it's possible to make a girl like you when she doesn't at first. It's totally possible, especially if she's listening to you.

   For example, you can tell stories about yourself. Think back to some experience you had. Retell that experience with only the interesting details, and make the theme of the story be something you want the girl to believe about you. Possible themes: girls want me, young girls are always after me, I'm mature, confident and know what I'm doing, etc.

   One older guy I know often tells the story of how his last girlfriend was 19 but still in highschool because she had studied abroad for a year in the USA (18 is legal in Japan). It seems an edgy story to tell, but I've seen it work well every time. The girls are surprised at first, but then he details the story more, like how funny it was to be walking with her and making out in the park while she was wearing her uniform. He makes the girls imagine the situations vividly. Then all the sudden it seems possible to them and they start to see him as a possibility. This takes only seconds.

   Whatever you can get a girl to imagine will have a powerful impact on her. Powerful. Few guys ever have a powerful impact on a girl in the first few minutes. Think of the implications. These are the big guns.

   I can elaborate more if desired. This is really key stuff. I should do an article on how to tell a imagination-inspiring story, as this is the heart of the high-powered seduction game. Too often in Japan guys rely on their natural attractiveness as gaijin, because that's often enough. Except when it isn't enough.

   
   
5. Posted by Juice [ Reply ]
   24/02/2007, 19:37

   I like to go by a my own rule of thumb.

   While the interaction is still warm(within the first 1 week 2 is stretching it). I keep it real light and fluffy, portraying myself as an easy going flirtatious animal. I keep a fine balance between seeming interested enough to talk to her and keep conversations going, while seeming disinterested enough to not give her value. And also a mix of hot/cold.

   The first initial week is the where you get the strongest and best cop. Anything past that seems like you are struggling to get by, demonstrating DLV.

   
   
6. Posted by Steven [ Reply ]
   25/02/2007, 05:39

   I am interested in hearing more about street pick-ups. I read what you have to say about meeting women in shops and silent cars, but the street pick-up I would like to know more about. As I told you before I am looking to fill in the gaps. The only time a woman in a train ever spoke to me was to practice her English homework and that is way off limits for me no matter home good that uniform looks. ROFL. By the way feel free to contact me directly at my E-mail.

   Steven

   
   
7. Posted by Steven [ Reply ]
   25/02/2007, 05:45

   One bit of advive please. I have a J-girl who wants to take me clubbing and help me tighten up my play book. She has been a friend for a long time. Do you think this is a good idea or am I better off showing her and my GF and looking for an additional "friend"?

   
   
8. Posted by Steven [ Reply ]
   25/02/2007, 06:57

   Correction to above "as my J-gf". Of course the friend is no touch but also intrested in women.

   
   
9. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
   25/02/2007, 17:54

   Juice,

   Could you elaborate on that? You are talkigng about by email?

   I used to find girls were usually to busy to meet me within a week. Then I changed to being more aggressive and most girls can meet in the first week, and if they can't it's legitimate and we meet later.

   Steven,

   Having the chance to go out with a girl who wants to cooperate seems an excellent opportunity. I would take it, especially if it could lead to threesomes. It'd probably also give you a lot of insight into things. The only caution I would give is that girls' advice to you, however well-intentioned, will almost always lead you astray. Girls just don't understand how their own attraction mechanisms work.

   If you are going out with a girl who is NOT willing to help you, it can still help a lot, but she has to meet certain criteria. She should not be too attractive or too unattractive. She should be totally into you, or at least constantly engaging you. Even if she's constantly yelling at you or teasing you, that's fine. You should look slightly disinterested. This causes girls to come at you very proactively sometimes.

   Street pickup is any approach done at a non-tradional pickup venue that you are just passing through. This could be on a train, in a mall, at the supermarket, at a normal restaurant, or on the street.

   I lump these together because most of the skills required are the same. All these are worlds apart from club pickup or bar pickup.

   I'll make a general primer article detailing some ways to do "street" pickups later on. It's a huge topic.

   Have you ever tried it? If you did it and found it hard, what was hard about it? Or if you haven't done it, what's been stopping you?

   
   
10. Posted by Juice [ Reply ]
    25/02/2007, 18:44

    You are saying agressiveness works. I agree it works as well.

    I was just saying I like to catch the girl fast while shes still hot, all while being cool, calm, calculated, cold and not letting her see my attraction.

    It keeps my value strong and unnatainable to reach for her. Naturally she actively stives to demonstrate value.

    
    
11. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    25/02/2007, 21:03

    I can see it from both sides; I've been in both situations many times. I've had success with cool and success with aggressive. My personality is so positive that aggressive just seems to work better for me most times. But I have seen sometimes when I am cold it causes certain girls to go crazy for me.

    Most importantly, I've found it's possible to be aggressive while still being high value, excited yet calm, impassioned yet not influencable by her. I've had girls do this to me, where they're super in my face and all over me yet still somehow I can't feel like I got hold of them. This is extremely tempting for a chick. This sort of "oozing passion but not controllable" persona.

    Now that I think about it, chicks do this to us all the time. They come on with all these signs like they're interested but always leave themselves an "out" in case you were to mistake it for genuine (sexual/romantic) interest. This is a great strategy for girls because it helps them get what they want from guy they aren't sexually interested in, helps them win the hearts of guys in general to add to their heart collection, AND helps them attract guys they actually want because of the hot/cold possibilities it affords them (she can always claim she was just being friendly or was really excited about meeting a new FRIEND).

    In summary, I also never let them see my attraction. I show tons of excitement, even interest, but I'm very careful that they never have reason to conclude I actually like them in "that" way. I leave them puzzled about why I'm excited about seeing them, even passionate about them. It only works because I leave off all the OTHER signs guys normally can't help but show when they are attracted to a girl.

    
    
12. Posted by Koto Oshuu [ Reply ]
    25/02/2007, 21:37

    Hmm, could you elaborate more on your last comment, Amanojack?

    I mean, what do you mean "being aggressive" yet at the same time "never let them see your attraction"?

    This sound zen (okay, cryptic is the word) to me.

    Could you define more clearly what you understand by being persistent and aggressive without showing "actually like them in 'that' way"?

    
    
13. Posted by noodle [ Reply ]
    25/02/2007, 23:24

    I don't want to hijack the topic so maybe if you can write about it in a future post, that would be cool. I have trouble in the mid-game. Also finding words of wisdom on the mid-game has been hard for me. I'm not a very interesting person and often just run out of things to talk about and/or just don't vibe well. I hit a wall around the middle of my day2's. I try to ask open ended questions but find it hard getting girls to open up and talk. Any tips on that?

    noodle

    
    
14. Posted by NanpaNinja [ Reply ]
    25/02/2007, 23:25

    ``I used to find girls were usually to busy to meet me within a week. Then I changed to being more aggressive and most girls can meet in the first week, and if they can't it's legitimate and we meet later.``

    So how do you go aggressive? By email, by phone, what? Can you give an example of what you would say to be aggressive, Ive had so many problems where I was getting good vibe and attraction at the club or street but when we start mailing, it seems really hard to set up a day 2, Saying she`s busy.

    
    
15. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 11:40

    I keep having problems with three-somes. I would prefer more one-on-one but I always seem to end up with three-somes. I tend to find my girls in public places: stations, supermarkets, libraries, gas stations and near public toilets.

    I also have the problem with being so confident that girls go crazy for me. Most girls just want to have sex with me then give up.

    
    
16. Posted by Niku [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 12:37

    Bonzo> wow dude, that really sucks.

    noodle> you need to get over that self-pity "I'm not very interesting" stuff though. You're here, you're interesting, and you don't know how they see you.

    anyhow, I would like to echo part of noodle's comments. Day 2s I'm pretty good-to-go, but in initial interactions, I often get a fizzle-out after the initial banter, busting, attraction-building. I find even with that, my open ended questions are often still getting short replies. So I keep talking. But I feel that's too much approval-seeking on my side.

    
    
17. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 13:56

    Niku,

    Well it doesn't suck that badly except on my weiner...he he he), but it'd be nice to just have one little screamer that I can focus on. Even though I'm very confident, I can be cool as well and I still get chicks. But if you can be cool and confident at the same time, you get the most chicks. I want to try getting chicks at a hospital or a pet shop.

    
    
18. Posted by Niku [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 14:39

    Hey, if you can get them at the public toilets (very George Michael of you, I might add), then hospitals shouldn't pose much more of a problem. However, as my girls often tell me, "be careful not to catch a cold!"

    
    
19. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 15:24

    Koto Oshuu,

    Being agressive without showing too much of your feelings probably sounds kind of mysterious. Thin about these four categories.

    Passive-Weak: The guy doesn't make an effort because he is afraid he will fail. He is not confident in himself. Often the guy will justify it by telling themselve they are being passive-strong.

    Passive-Strong: The guy doesn't make much effort because he doesn't care and/or doesn't need to. Usually he does have some way to catch interest initially, but from there he mostly plays it cool.

    Proactive-Desperate: The guy is so desperate that he just throws himself at the mercy of any women who will listen. He either tries to play off their sympathy or takes advantage of girls that are too weak to refuse. Persistence is so powerful that sometimes this actually works, but it's a ruinous long-term strategy.

    Proactive-Confident: Guy is very aggressive because he believes the girl would be a fool to reject him. He believes he will succeed eventually, and takes all objections as temporary flukes that will get ironed out if he keeps persisting. He is also aggressive because he chooses girls he is highly attracted to. Yet he doesn't show any desperation because he knows there are a million other excellent girls to choose from, and he also knows he has what it takes to get them.

    What I think it comes down to is not showing desperation in any way. Guys can show their passion to whatever degree they like. I personally like to show it like a hidden fire smoldering just beow the surface. They know I feel something but also know I have the restraint to hold it back. There is also enough vagueness in the interaction that the girl cannot assume I want her in "that" way.

    Specifically, I never tell them I like them. I never ask them on a date. I never do anything that resembles courting or wooing. I never try to win their affection by buying stuff or trying to impress her in obvious ways.

    I keep everything very vague. I convey less with words, more with voice and eye contact. I show my excitement, because excitement is vague in that it doesn't tell them why you're excited. By email I will always say, "I'm looking forward to it." For all they know I am looking forward to making a new friend. Because "it" is never a date.

    Never say what you can imply. Never speak what you can show with a look or just your vocal intonation or a touch. That's why speaking better J is not necessarily an advantage.

    To summarize, confident persistence is good, non-needy passion is good vague excitement is good, intimating attraction is good, but making it explicit is bad, giving away your power is bad, giving up is bad.

    One related topic is what we call "calibration". Simply knowing where the "setpoint" is in the interactions, and how they see it differently from you.

    For instance, girls' perception of persistence is probably way different than yours. They EXPECT to have to give a few NOs before they give a YES. Giving up after one try is seen as either, "He didn't really care" or "He has no spine." For most girls I think giving up after a little persistence is the same thing.

    A guy giving some heavy persistence is seen by most Western guys as "aggressive," but seen by Japanese girls as "normal." That's what I mean by the set-points for interaction being different.

    The core of the zen-like nature of this dichotomy is perhaps in eye contact. Eye contact is where you can convey the most passion with the most vagueness as well. You can show that passion smoldering just below the surface.

    To describe how this looks would be difficult, but to explain how to do it is simple: just summon up your feelings of passion about the girl and you will naturally have those smoky eyes that burn into her and make her heart beat faster. You'll naturally have that deeper and smoother voice that caresses her ears with sound waves.

    Summon your sexual feelings but be a master of them. Make them serve you, not the other way around. You CAN do this, because you are approaching so many women that you have the power of choice. You are a force of nature, and no matter how fileld with desire you are you cannot be controlled from the outside.

    Showing you secual feelings in the *right* way is the heart of all this. The more you can positively ooze passion while showing not a hint of desperation in any situation, the more amazing results you'll get.

    
    
20. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 15:49

    Amanojack,

    Very well said. I probably fall into "Proactive-Confident" and I can get done anytime I want. Also, your advice about language is right on the mark. I can speak very little Japanese yet I have no problem getting laid. I never go to foreign places because it's easier to get girls who don't speak English. I ooze passion without a hint of desperation which is why I'm so successful. That is my trademark.

    
    
21. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 16:24

    NampaNinja,

    "So how do you go aggressive? By email, by phone, what? Can you give an example of what you would say to be aggressive...?"

    I don't actually think of it as "going aggressive" or even "aggressive" per se. It's kind of a catch-all word to summarize the following:

    - Confident persistence to get around resistance

    - Conveying passion and excitement

    - High momentum and confidence in getting her contact info or getting her to your place

    - A thinly-veiled sense of excitement and confident anticipation in the emails

    Perhaps "confident" is a better word than "aggressive" (don't really like the connotations of this, but it was the only word I could think of to summarize all this).

    As for what I specifically say? Good question. Here are some phrases I find myself using a lot.

    [Getting her contact info]

    Me: Let's exchange contact info.

    Her: Nah, I just met you.

    Me: Come on.

    (first thing is to simply persist, just in case she was giving total token resistance just for kicks)

    Her: Sorry, I really can't.

    (If I don't feel she is attracted enough, I'll change the subject and tell stories or something to get her more attracted. If I feel she IS attracted enough, I'll persist but from different angles.)

    Me: Open your purse.

    Her: OK.

    Me: Take out your phone.

    Her: OK.

    (command ladder...if she won't even do this, I work longer on whatever small step she won't comply with, like, "Just open your bag" with a laugh maybe. If her state goes down at any point here, I change the subject and get her laughing or in a good state again before trying again.)

    Me: Do you have infrared (sekigaisen)?

    Her: Yes.

    (Yes/No information Q is always easy to answer, but answering YES sets her up to comply with the next thing you say - like the "YES ladders" they use in sales. Think this is sneaky? Remember that the girl is LOOKING for an excuse to give you her number here, if you did you job right so far. Make it as easy as possible for her.)

    Me: Great! Me, too. You send first. (notice this is a command, not a question - easy for her to know what to do)

    If she gives resistance here, make sure you are persisting with passion AND confidence, not desperation. You are persisting because you know she wants to do it and will be glad she did, but just needs to be guided around the awkward social formalities.

    Afraid of feeling like a fool? Afraid of being told to "lay the fuck off"? Amazingly, girls never seem to say this unless you show desperation. You kept their state high, and if their state went too far down you immediately got off the subject. She won't say such a thing unless her state goes down.

    However, keeping her state up is not for protecting your ego from such remarks, it's jsut the best way to success. You need to be prepared for anything. You'll find, no matter how strange it seems, that you'll feel invincible if you give it your all, EVEN IF she rejects you in the end. If you really put your heart and soul into it, you'll feel excellent afterward and be in an awesome state to get more girls immediately afterward. In fact, a failure here is one of the best things for your mental state, as you will be literally unstoppable. But this only works if you really did everything in your power to persuade her to give you her number. (Otherwise you WILL feel lame afterward. DO NOT do this half-assed.)

    [By email]

    I choose to be polite but show excitement. My formula is:

    1. Salutation - start with a simple "Hi Erina" (I find Japanese people open to you more if you have some basic politeness...too much, though, and it looks like you are not intimate yet - some have better results jumping right in. If you were super-casual in your first interaction you could leave this off.)

    2. Say one thing - about you, the weather, whatever, just as filler. Don't make it a question.

    3. Invite - with "let's" or the "-ou" form in Japanese ("aou" = let's meet). If you are a stronger kind of character that uses a lot of commands, make it a command instead, like, "We should XXXX. Tell me when you're free." Use either the command or "let's" but not both. I'd advise against using "ne" with commands in J. Don't say "Aiteiru hi oshiete ne" just say "Aiteiru hi oshiete" (tell me what day you're free). It sounds tepid with "ne".

    4. "I'm looking forward to it!" "Tanoshimi ni shiteiru!" Just say it.

    General rules:

    - Keep it short

    - Only give her one thing to reply to. In this case, a straight command or a "let's" command. This makes it easy and fast as possible for her to reply.

    - Avoid Q's if at all possible. Never ask what you can command or avoid asking altogether.

    - Keep it vague. Generally, saying "Let's meet" or "Let's hang out" is better than saying, "Let's do XXXX specific thing".

    - Show excitement with the "looking forward to it" and sparing use of exclamation marks and emoticons (don't use hearts or any emoticons that could be interpreted as girly, including sparkles - for some girls it's fine but some are way creeped out by this). I use the big red exclamation mark in Docomo, the excited-looking face, and a few neutral ones like the apple or the sprout. Keeps it vague :)

    Does this clear things up? How to be "aggressive" (confident) in bringing her back to your place is a whole big topic to talk about, so I'll cut it short here and talk about that another day when I have time.

    
    
22. Posted by Niku [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 16:49

    Amanojack, please write me. I've got a proposal for you.
    tokyokinpatsu (at) gmail

    
    
23. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 17:49

    You can also go agressive before swapping e-mails. That's usually why I get done more than most people. Also, I find it more effective to get their number as well. This works especially well with school girls who are probably the easiest to impress. Anyway, I wouldn't sleep with school girls: junior college is my starting point. It's a good idea to find a junior college to hang around and wait for them to come out at lunch time. It's like shooting a harpoon at a whale. Only the blind can miss.

    
    
24. Posted by Koto Oshu [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 21:20

    Thanks for replies, Amanojack.

    I actually have read all of your comments here, and last two could be separate posts.

    I have just realised that I usually would switch between Passive-Weak and Proactive-Desperate definitely too much for my own good.

    The thing is, Proactive-Confident sometimes doesn't work either in my case - I am cool and playing it Bogart, but the girl slips away nevertheless.

    Well, I have read the above and see some points to work on, so now it's the time for homework (or field practice, whatever you call it). Oh, by the way, I tried the 2PAC thing on a girl I met on Mardi Gras in New Orleans (I'm not in Japan right now) and although I didn't score that evening, boy, it was close. I didn't even feel disappointed afterwards.

    So thanks for the advice and I'll be sure to come back for more.

    
    
25. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    26/02/2007, 22:53

    Noodle,

    "I have trouble in the mid-game....I try to ask open ended questions but find it hard getting girls to open up and talk."

    Why do you want her to talk? If you are trying to figure out her value structure then she needs to say something, but other than that it's best that she just listen.

    That way you can fill her mind with images of your choosing. Now, try NOT to imagine a blue elephant...did you see it? Simply telling a vivid story essentially forces her to imagine things. Make sure what you are making her imagine is good.

    The easiest mid-game material is stories. Tell stories that demonstrate your personality. Thik of all the things you'd like a woman to believe about you: all women want me, I'm passionate and know how to lead a woman, etc., then come up with a stories that have these points as their themes.

    Say you want her to believe you love animals. Never say directly that you love animals; instead tell a story that makes this obvious.

    More to the point, if you want her to imagine getting physical with you, tell stories that get her imagination going. There's no need to actually get sexual, just tell a story that involves kissing incidentally. Describe a very few details, but describe them vividly. Set a romantic mood in the story. I'll post some example stories later.

    Once you get into storytelling, you can talk almost forever. Notice what she responds to. If she responds to the romantic aspects of the story, elaborate those vividly until she melts. If she responds to sexual stuff, go deeper (never need to get vulgar - read some women's romance novels to get an idea where the line is...subtlety and hinting is the key). If she responds to aspects of your personality demonstrated by the story (she'll usually say, "You're so XXXX (compliment)") then great, you can probably kiss her now.

    Stories work miracles. I've had girls who had zero interest in me other than just to chat with, and had them fall totally in love in the course of a few tens of minutes, just by a really good story. I'm talking about girls I told a story to years ago and they still can't forget.

    Besides stories, you can play games with them, massage them, tease them, tickle them (depends on the kind of girl), do psychological games with them, talk sexual innuendo if she likes that (still this is best done with stories), etc. But I think if you fail to demonstrate much personality to them you'll always be on fragile ground. Hence it always comes back to the stories unless the girl is already sold on you.

    If you do massage, you gotta be fairly good with your hands. Massage is amazingly powerful, because it can feel so good that they just don't want you to stop. It's a little too easy, like fighting cheap. Your main seduction skills could deteriorate if you rely on massage. But it will get you very far if you master it. Yet another topic deserving its own post or three.

    
    
26. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 00:15

    Niku,

    Save long talking for Day2 - just get the contact info and run.

    If you feel the need to develop more attraction, go ahead and tell stories or whatever you like for attraction game. Why the open-ended questions? Just blab your heart out. As long as you're engaging her you can talk all you want.

    Just think, if someone is telling you an interesting story, do you want them to stop? Does their value go down in your eyes? Are you annoyed that they are talking too much? Of course not. Does it look like they are seeking approval? Not if they are doing it right.

    Get into your story or whatever you are saying. If you get into it and are passionate about it, she won't see it as approval seeking. She'll see it as a ride she wants to get on.

    
    
27. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 00:26

    I now have some ideas for new posts:

    - How to tell seductive stories to create attraction

    - Going for the same-day-lay (AKA, the "Day1" or having sex upon first meeting)

    - How to use massage (caveman method)

    - How to use vaguaries and illogic to your advantage

    Any more topics you'd like to hear about? My threesome experience is limited, so can't really offer advice there except secondhand - sorry.

    
    
28. Posted by Koto Oshu [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 00:47

    Actually, yes, one more question/topic incentive :

    "If she responds to aspects of your personality demonstrated by the story (she'll usually say, "You're so XXXX (compliment)") then great, you can probably kiss her now."

    I tell the story of how I managed to win a street fight in which I was defending someone, 90% true so I don't feel like lying and it makes it even more credible. Girl says "Wow, you're so bold". Definitely a compliment. Now, I don't just bend to her and kiss her, do I?

    I mean, how do you make the transition?

    
    
29. Posted by NanpaNinja [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 01:32

    Hey Amano, thanks for the reply about what to say in emails, I can understand where I went wrong on talking about random shit and trying to be funny before asking for a day probably fucked me up. Anyway I have a question though, what if the chick doesn't reply, will you send a follow up email a few days later or would that look depserate. How do you be confidently persistent if the chick keeps blowing you off saying she doesnt know when she is busy and takes a while to reply saying she doesnt know and she will tell me when she is busy.

    For your next article, maybe you can talk more about day game and maybe put up a small field report of how you got a number and the obstacles you came through. I am really appreciating the work you are putting in to help your fellow gaijins,.

    
    
30. Posted by NanpaNinja [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 01:46

    Hey Amano, thanks for the reply about what to say in emails, I can understand where I went wrong on talking about random shit and trying to be funny before asking for a day probably fucked me up. Anyway I have a question though, what if the chick doesn't reply, will you send a follow up email a few days later or would that look depserate. How do you be confidently persistent if the chick keeps blowing you off saying she doesnt know when she is busy and takes a while to reply saying she doesnt know and she will tell me when she is busy.

    For your next article, maybe you can talk more about day game and maybe put up a small field report of how you got a number and the obstacles you came through. I am really appreciating the work you are putting in to help your fellow gaijins,.

    
    
31. Posted by Steven [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 06:43

    I have to say that hunting in Fussa is a lost cause. Tonight at my favorite quiet drinking place a random walked in. I thought she was 24. LOL she was actually 34 so of course I went for it. The owners know me and just gave me the nod. I did all of you agressive methods. I got her engaged and laughing to iclude the physical contact. I even kept her busy with me and the bar owner playing darts. All the while my buddie the owner was singing me praises in Japanese. One of her sticking points was her limited English and my limited Japanese. Just a bad night I guess but I think I will stay clear of the ones over 28 from now on unless they like the calm quiet guy at the bar. Am I right to assume the younger ones are more likely to be swayed by us gaijin? Only a few days left of this vacation and I do not want to waste them. Do you have a suggested hunting ground? Fussa is a wash and Roppongi has the circle of friends problem.

    Steven

    
    
32. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 09:48

    Hey Dude,

    If you want, I can do a guest post on three-somes. Also, the same-day lay is pretty common for me, especially for evening trysts. I live in the central city and I have a styling pad.

    Fuck, last week, I helped a woman who fell off a chair. Some young slags saw me, came up and ecomplimented me. As Bonzer knows, never pass an opportunity up. The next evening, I had the two girls over for a three-some, then kicked them out around 11 p.m.

    
    
33. Posted by Random Guy [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 14:26

    I've got a far left-field question here, Just from a curiosity point of view, in America it's well-known that "nice guy" doesn't work, cocky funny and powerful works which seems to be what you are going with here. It seems like in Japan most of the foreigners power comes from the fact that most Japanese have the "nice shy guy" role down, and they can come in with the cocky power funny type.

    How possible is it in Japan to try for puppy love/romance, even putting sex out of the picture, being the "nice guy" and having that work out? Are you going to be looked upon as weak and non-agressive or is this a valid strategy if what you are looking for is puppy love?
    Girls talk a lot about romance and nice hearted people but it seems they just want to get it on with agressive folks.

    I'd like to hear some tips on not trying to fake yourself(aka singing what you want to sing, etc) and managing to get puppy love with a realtionship that moves incredibly slowly but stays together

    Thanks!

    
    
34. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 14:40

    Hey Random Guy,

    Nice guys get done all the time in Japan. It's just that it's played out. We mercenaries do well becuase we're a little bit dangerous and pro-active. Trust me, if yu want serious action, you've got to be confident-aggressive. That is, of course, if you want to get done on a consistent basis.

    
    
35. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 14:40

    Koto Oshu,

    I've never heard your story about winning a street fight, but generally that kind of story would be good for telling your guy friends or demonstrating to guys you are not to be trifled with.

    For girls, though, you gain something by showing bravery and physical power to potentially protect them, but you also lose in several ways. Nevermind that many Japanese girls hate violence bar none (hopefully you made it sound like a totally unavoidable situ in the story).

    The big disadvantage of a fighting story, though, is in how it affects her state. Even if it works according to plan and she sees you as a hero, she's still going to be in a higher adrenaline state, not in the melting state you want her in. I think some girls would totally fall for this, but most would be at least not ready for a kiss immediately afterward.

    Actually, no need to throw away a good story...you can modify it simply by telling what happened after that. Tell something that brings her state to where you want it. Like in the action movie where there is the time for the herioc action that gets you are riled up, but then there is the redemption where you feel at ease again, and finally the state is set for the star to return to that love interest...

    This is the emotional roller coaster ride you have the power to take her on. By orchestrating what states she goes through, you have the power to make her feel just about anything.

    If nothing happened after the fight, nothing related even in the years that followed, you can still make it work...without lying. All you have to do is set up the story as a theme. You add something a the beginning that creates a framework that allows the fight scene to be connected with something else that happened later.

    Example: "Funny you should ask that, because when I was growing up I learned something that shaped who I am today. I learned that life doesn't hand everything to you on a silver platter. If you want something, sometimes you have to do everything it takes to get it. There was this girl I liked. I didn't know if she liked me. I couldn't get up the nerve to ask her then, because I was shy."

    Segueway into the fight scene. Then explain how you felt differently about the little things in life after that. You noticed so many fears you had were just BS.

    Then fast-forward to the love scene where you applied what you learned and an amazing romantic development took place. Detail that. If she complimented your boldness, show how you went after what you wanted in the face of obstacles. Get those fighting vibes washed well away. THEN if she compliments you she'll be ready for a kiss. The timing works so much better this way.

    I'm sure you can find a way to apply this kind of story structure to your own life - my example was jsut off the top of my head.

    The main points to get are:

    - Use stories to change her state (order and timing are critical)

    - Use stories to convey your personality (order and timing are not so important)

    - Stories will only work insofar as they make her imagine things (the more vividly the better)

    - Get her to elicit your stories as if you are reluctant to tell them, never force them on her

    - Elaborate on what she is getting into (if you find the sweet spot just keep hitting it relentlessly)

    With these points in mind, be careful that you are getting her to imagine exactly what you want and none of what you don't want. Be careful that you are demonstrating the best traits you can and none of the ones you don't. Sometimes a little sacrifice where you show some weakness in an irrelevant area helps to make it more believable and get her rooting for you. In other words, don't just tell a fighting story, tell Rocky (or some moving plot you can fit to your own life).

    
    
36. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 15:12

    NampaNinja,

    If a girl doesn't reply the first time or just says she's busy?

    I used to get this a lot. The new style of proactive-confident fixes this a lot. If I get no reply I wait 4-7 days, then write again. Don't look the least bit fazed, because it could have happened for many reasons.

    One weird thing that works is to write something totally unrelated, like a mail that simply says, "I'm on a crowded train. It smells like oatmeal."

    Why this works is it takes the pressure off her and show's you're not fazed at all and probably didn't even notice or care. If she didn't reply for whatever reason she may feel guilty or feel there's no way to recover the situation, so she gives up or puts off replying for longer, which of course makes it worse, until she just represses the whole thing. These random emails are a way out of it for her.

    There is also the random question. "Dolphins are supposed to be really smart. But do you think they dream?" Off-topic is the keyword. It takes all the weight of that non-replying situation off her shoulders, yet prompts her to reply anyway.

    That said, the best defence against this is to show enough enthusiasm when you first meet and in your mail, as I said. It makes it clear that you are to be PRIORITIZED, simply because it appears so important for YOU even though you have high value.

    We aren't used to thinking like this because usually people that seem to be desperate for a reply we are less likely to give one, but the key is you are not desperate, as I explained before.

    As for being busy, this is the great plague of the Tokyo populace. However, it cuts both ways.

    One thing I forgot to mention in my email formula is the first sentence should be filler that mentions how BUSY you are. She will pull the "busy" shit, too, but now you are even. Your time is just as valuable as hers, and now here you are giving her the opportunity to be with you. How generous can you get!?

    That little gem was the missing link I forgot to mention.

    If she still pulls the "busy" routine, first of all there's a much higher chance she is genuinely swamped, and second of all she'll often make more concessions, like telling you when she WILL be free (imagine that!).

    The way it usually works is girls are ALWAYS too busy to be entertaining random guys who might lead somewhere, and when you ask they'll say so. Later on they might have a free day with nothing to do. But they won't mention this to you. They can't be the one to make the first move anyway. They figure, "If he was still interested he'd ask me. If he asked me I'd go out, if it was tonight. I'm lonely TONIGHT."

    The trap is that if you, not knowing when these magic days come, have to ask her every day if she's free, you lose value like crazy and quickly delve into stalker territory. But with the way I propose she' mroe likely to help you out a bit more. You can hence play it cool and still win. Ironic?

    ...
    I'll detail a daytime pickup later on (previous post on SamuraiBabe was technically a street pickup, too, but not a difficult one until Day2).

    
    
37. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 15:18

    Steven,

    Older girls are usually easier to get because they know what they want and are no-nonsense.

    If she was responding to you, maybe you just needed to pull the trigger. Older girls are often annoyed by you trying to seduce them when they've already decided they like you. Especially bar girls. Just get them out of the bar and to your place.

    I'd need to hear more of the story to make an analysis of why it didn't work, though.

    Anyway Fussa has got to be an atypical place. Try Tachikawa or Hachioji since they are near you.

    Probably you just need more data points, too. Nothing will work on every girl. Meet a ton of chicks and use what works, discard what doesn't. The tips here are mostly just to get you oriented properly.

    
    
38. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 15:46

    Random Guy,

    So you just want puppy love?

    Hey, who doesn't? Strange as it may sound, I'm a big fan of puppy love myself. That's one of the reasons I got into this game.

    But there is one thing I know that you haven't realized yet:

    The fastest, surest, and most secure path to puppy love is FAST FUCKING.

    See here

    http://amanojack.yourjapan.jp/post/22/224

    to better understand the psychology behind this. That and theory of evolution.

    Whether your goal is hot sex or puppy love or marriage, the faster you can get her in bed the closer you'll be to each of those goals. After the sex, YOU GET TO CHOOSE. This is the ONLY way to get this privelege permanently.

    By the way, there are no exceptions to this rule, as strange as it may sound. I have seen it time and time again. You could save a girl's life ten times in a row, be exactly her type, be everything she ever wanted and admired, but if you don't FUCK HER FAST she can still be stolen from you by a guy that will.

    The best way to get a girlfriend? Fuck her fast.

    The best way to get a loyal girlfriend who truly loves you? Fuck her fast.

    The best way to get a marriage partner? Fuck her fast.

    The best way to get eternal puppy love? You guessed it.

    If you are to succeed in getting the puppy love you deserve, you of all people will need these skills the most. If you don't have these skills it will be very hard to get puppy love. Even should puppy love find you, it will be fragile because a guy like me can come along and ruin it for you at any moment. A guy like me would take away your puppy love, take it all for himself, and it would be deeper puppy love.

    It's just a lose-lose situation for you, so, basically, FUCK HER FAST, FUCK HER WELL then reap the rewards of an entire sea of puppy love that can't be taken away from you. That, my friend, is how it works.

    .
    .
    .

    Anyway, should you decide to disobey the prime directive, I would still help you. I can teach you something called "slow seduction" - a much less effective way to do things, but much more melodramatic and admitedly fun in that suspenseful kind of way.

    I use slow seductions very rarely, only when I really want to get a certain girl, but I am convinced I cannot fuck her quickly. I will detail some slow seduction techniques in another post for all you hopeless romantics. I can guarantee you it's more effective that "courting" or "wooing" a girl and buying her flowers and taking her on dates, but I warn those who would follow this trecherous path that it's still 100 times less effective than the fast seduction techniques I teach in the rest of the blog.

    
    
39. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 15:51

    Bonzo,

    It'd be cool if you could share your story about threesomes. I had a great dream about a threesome last night, so I'm kind of hankering for one.

    The reason I haven't gone for threesomes so far is I'm not good with groups. I've always been a very one-on-one kind of guy. If there are two girls I'd rather take one home, get the other's number, and fuck them both in turn. But now I'm feeling interested to try.

    Any tips fully welcome! We're all here to share what we know.

    
    
40. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 17:42

    I remember once meeting these two hot-as vixens at a tapas bar near my apartment. I usually frequent this place by myself as it is usually frequented by hot babes looking for a taste of Europe. The staff knows me quite well and have done a great job of educating me about Rioja. Anyway, I get talking to these two girls who are defensive but seem comforted by the fact that the clientile and staff know me or can see that I have some connection.

    One of the two has the most angelic faces I've ever seen: the doe eyes, straight silky hair in a bob and the most blow-jobby of lips you could ever imagine. The other has a physique like Maria Sharapova with legs up to the level of my hips and a radiant glow of a movie star. I can make out the line of her vulva through her tight pumps. Both chicks are sexy to the degree of obscene and would be intimidating for most guys. I take the challenge and brazenly introduce myself. Both seem keen to talk so I make recommendations for food and wine. Both are Europhiles and pepper me with stories about trips to Italy and France. What I did is keep them talking by asking questions that I know will stir their romantic notions. Here is the secret. Keep them talking while triggering their memories. The juices flow. I then let rip with my own travel stories which further whet their imaginations.

    Anyway, once the trust was found and the common elements struck, I let slip that I lived nearby and we should hook up again (with the pretense of me bringing a friend). I then excused myself like a perfect gentleman with the bob-haired babe's phone number in my hot little hand. It was only 12 hours later that I got a call back. She wanted to meet that night for a drink. I suggested that she and her friend come over and try a few bottle from my collection. Offer accepted and confirmed. Sweet.

    Three bottles of wine later (peppered with cheese and grapes), I suggest that we hit the town. I choose a place nearby that is far enough from the train station that I can assure they will miss the last train. When it occurs, I offer to ferry them back home by car or taxi. At this stage, I nail it by offering them my room while I sleep in the spare meaning that we can stay out a while longer while not risking a drink/drive charge. Safety in numbers.

    Back at home, while Maria takes off her make-up and showers I snuggle up to the bob-hair who literally sucks me in with her succulent lips. Her greedy hands grab desperately at my hard rod but I cool her down by suggesting that it’s not cool to leave Maria on her own. She agrees and backs off. While the little hotness goes off to the bathroom after Wonder Woman comes back, I explain what has happened. Maria giggles and looks kind of embarrassed but I explain that we’re a team and I’m not desperate enough to leave her out of the mix. I pick up her athletic frame and feel the firmness of her breasts plunge into my own chest while carrying her to my bedroom. We lunge at each other like polar bears and I almost explode.

    The little one comes back to the fray, and in a frozen moment, her face drops. I sense a singular moment of uncertainty while her face beams into a smile, the robe drops as she walks towards the bed and joins the fray. What happens next is best repeated in another post but multiple orgasms were flying thick and fast.

    
    
41. Posted by kurobuta [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 18:21

    lately, i have been pretty lucky in exchanging numbers, mail addresses, etc..

    but not so good at setting up the second meeting.. so taking advice from comment #21, I just sent out an email out to this really cute girl that i met over the weekend.

    basically, kept it short, i asked her when she has time to meet. wish me luck guys!

    
    
42. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 19:40

    Bonzo,

    Sounds like very good stuff. I couldn't figure out if you were talking about J-girls or Western girls. Their actions sound like Western girls, but maybe because of all the wine. Also the legs?!

    Anyway, you got them to talk about travel, got their states up, then dove into your own stories to make it even better. Bonus!

    Do you think you could have gotten the same results straight away when you got the first phone call, rather than heading out again? If I got a call 12 hours after meeting I'd consider that very aggressive on her part and assume immediate lay coming up. That said, it seems to have worked out splendidly for you.

    It also doesn't seem like the one who came later had much hesitation about the 3P action. Do you think it was the alcohol or they were already inclined, or did you think she was the one who'd be OK with it and the other one you needed to make out with for a while first?

    Form what I hear about most threesomes there is usually one girl who is fairly down with it while the other needs persuading, and they say it's often key to figure out which is which. All in all, very interesting stuff.

    
    
43. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    27/02/2007, 19:46

    kurobuta,

    Good on ya! If I didn't make this clear before, the "aggressive" email thing is designed to work with the "aggressive" stance in the first meet. If you already met a girl and weren't aggressive but then are aggressive by email, I can't say what the results might be. Hopefully it will be good for you this time.

    
    
44. Posted by NanpaNinja [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 00:32

    Thanks for the useful advice like always, but I have another question on your theory on fucking her ASAP will
    get you puppy love, marriage, fuck buddy, etc. How does the relationship change with that fuck? I sometimes find that makes the girl more indifferent towards me...After the lay, how do you change the way you communicate with her? Does she expect to be fucked every night you hang out? Again thank you for your help

    
    
45. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 02:15

    NampaNinja,

    Girls may be more indifferent toward you because they are afraid of getting hurt. This would be because you have elements of "just for fun" and elements of "serious" mixed together. That is bad. Choose one or the other. Better yet, choose "just for fun" then switch to "serious" later at your discretion. (See below)

    Basically what I say about "fucking fast gets you everything" applies the most to girls who are not used to fucking fast. If a girl is totally used to it, it will only help you, but not all that much.

    Even with slut bunnies, if you want to win their hearts you're still way better off being on fucking terms with them than not. There several big reasons why, but you probably know those already.

    So fucking fast doesn't guarantee anything will happen, it's just the best first step you can possibly take. Many girls will require more seduction to fall in love or give you a relationship. And most girls who give you a relationship will still require a lot of training before they open up fully and become ideal partners.

    The most important time for establishing how emotionally intimate a girl will be with a you is in the few minutes right after sex. If you don't want an attachment at all, disappear. Get an important phone call or go take a dump or go eat. I wouldn't do this myself as it's too cold for me.

    If you want the emotional connection to build and get warmer, on the other hand, of course you stay with her, cuddle, let her sleep over, hang out with them more afterward, do something fun the next day, etc. The next 20-40 minutes after sex are the most important, though.

    Yet this is not optimal either, because she may not WANT a relationship with you. In that case these things could easily scare her off before you have a chance to seduce her more.

    After sex, walking the middle path is best: not too cold, but not too hot too fast either. Just act like it was fun and great, but not mushy. That can come later. But stay with her in bed after sex.

    It's not like it's a tough judgment call anyway. You generally get a good feel for how warm or cold a girl is before you get into bed (you find out along the way). After sex you'll know enough of where she stands. If she's taking it all lightly, she either wants to keep it light or is afraid you only want to keep it light. If she's getting mushy on you, obviously she wants more.

    I think the only reason women would get more cold after sex would be they sense romantic vibes from you yet they also think you're going to one-night-stand them and they are preparing themselves for that. That in itself means they believe they could have feelings for you (otherwise no need to defend themselves by going cold).

    I'll give you an example.

    Recently I met a really nice girl. We got to makeout on Day2, but just when she was getting hot she started prancing away to the train station. She was really hard to get into bed, but after a lot of effort she did.

    Although she was a warm girl with a warm personality, she was not a good lay. She didn't seem very into it, and it seemed out of character for her. We had sex a few more times, and it got to be OK, but not great.

    I knew the sex with this girl should be good, judging from our chemistry and her warmness, but she got just slightly cold during sex (this is pretty rare for me).

    Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, I find out she has been afraid to tell me something all this time. She is about to move to another part of Japan. She says she was trying hard to control her feelings and stay cold to me.

    It all made sense then.

    For the non-slutty girl, sex is a big emotional investment. Most girls have been hurt a bit at some point, so they are used to reining in their emotions, but they still have every tendency to develop strong feelings for a guy they are sexing.

    Truly slutty girls would have no reason to get colder toward you after sex. It's the ones who are into you that will do this.

    If you want a relationship, just don't act like a player (except fucking her fast - that's the one thing you can't budge on). So much is obvious.

    What's trickier is if you want a warm interaction with no strings attached. Girl has feelings welling up, girl goes cold to squelch them.

    If this is your goal, you're better off looking like you're probably just having fun (here again, vagueness is good), no mushiness at all. That way she has no fear that she's going to get swept away by you.

    In summary, walking halfway between acting like you're only looking for fun and acting like you might want a relationship is lose-lose. It scares girls into being cold.

    I think the best is act like you're only looking for fun. Then you can have a warm interaction as long as you want, because the girl can fuck you without much fear of falling for you.

    If you want more later you can act as if she "grew on you" and now you want more. The same is likely to happen on her end, so it work perfectly.

    Of course, should you decide you want to keep it at that, you're in the best position to do that, too, while keeping the interaction warm and lively.

    Hope that made some sense.

    
    
46. Posted by kurobuta [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 02:55

    this last entry #45 made alot of sense..

    I just wished i would've read that about 4 weeks ago.. I finally got a girl in the sack that i've been after for a really long time.. Actually, i really like this girl, but never had the "right opportunity".

    make a long story short, we are out one night, having fun, she invites me to stay the night.. basically awesome sex, as I had hoped and expected..

    but, i think i definitely gave off the wrong vibes afterwards.. since i was totally into her for a long time, I was honestly hoping that this could finally turn into something more serious.. but, i actually should've played the middle road a bit more... I played it too much on the serious side....

    basically... now all i got is just the cold shoulder...

    lessons learned... but now reading your last comment.. it all makes sense...

    
    
47. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 14:07

    Yes, I must admit that the alcohol always helps in "opening the house." I've had three-somes on ecstasy which were a lot of fun but nowhere near as primal as the "Pussy Patrol." I initiated everything but I guess they appreciated the openness. They could have left if they were offended. The little miss went on to marry a gaijin patent lawyer from Manhatten who was based out here, while the tall beast married some mid-ranking salaryman with a good hair cut.

    I always tend to go for extroverted but switched-on Japanese woman. For lack of a better word, "hip" chicks. Hippies, yuppies, honeys and junkies...you name it. That being said, I've had my fair share of dogs as well (usually when I'm paraletic) that I've picked on the streets. I've done that twice in the last couple of months so I really need to cut it out. They usually turn up at my apartment building at some unglodly hour and I have to tell them in non uncertain terms where to go.

    A lot of "average" Japanese girls can be sweet and fun, but completely unstimulating for me mentally. It gets to a point where I just want to tag them, and then throw them back. Sometimes I feel like I'm communicating with a house cat. Don't move too suddenly or you'll freak it out.

    
    
48. Posted by Niku [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 14:55

    >There is also the random
    >question. "Dolphins are
    >supposed to be really
    >smart. But do you think
    >they dream?" Off-topic is
    >the keyword. It takes
    >all the weight of that
    >non-replying situation
    >off her shoulders, yet
    >prompts her to reply anyway.

    I've used this dolphin line twice in the last day with almost immediate replies.
    Both girls had blown off my previous requests to meet up. One apologized profusely for not writing and said she's actually in an aquarium right now. LOL
    Thanks for this little gem.

    
    
49. Posted by Niku [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 16:24

    Make that 3 for 3. I'm just a bit curious about what precedent is set by the random mails. Is it then like "yeah, I love dolphins." Or just drop it entirely. Or try to meet up again?

    
    
50. Posted by Koto Oshu [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 17:27

    Shoot, I wouldn't expect this dolphin line to work that well.

    Also, the exchange of opinions and tricks in the comments is going so far that I start feeling like we need a forum...

    
    
51. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 21:40

    Niku,

    Strange how that works. After you get a reply, you have the situation back near neutral. She knows you're not riled or fazed by her not replying.

    What to do after she replies? Try to get her to meet you again. Just assume you are now good friends and invite her out. Maybe change it up slightly from how you invited her the first time. The main thing is not to lose your cool. If she takes a long time to reply once, she's liable to do it again. Never be fazed.

    It's really more efficient to find another girl than chase girls for weeks or months by email. So go for broke. In my case, soon as I get a reply I am right back in there being proactive.

    Koto Oshu,

    A forum would be nice, but as long a I write a new post every few days these super-long comments lists can be avoided.

    
    
52. Posted by i_am_the_walrus [ Reply ]
    28/02/2007, 23:09

    Good questions, my favorite is the dolphin question. Ha I just encountered that problem. i fucking blew it. Anyway
    Got an expertise on virgins?

    
    
53. Posted by Steven [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 02:50

    Virgins? Avoid at all cost!

    
    
54. Posted by kurobuta [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 03:42

    My previous post #41.. time to report...

    Well, guys.. the report is nothing.. no reply back, no thing.. it has been 2 days now, so I am welcome to any advice about trying to get some type of response..
    At this point, do you guys think the dolphin mail might bring her back to life? I wounder if that will work..

    i am open to any suggestions at this point.. this girl is really stylish and petite with short straight hair.. nice smile..
    i need... i need...

    
    
55. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 10:35

    Any decent pussy isn't going to fall for the dolphin. You guys need to get your shit together.

    Amano,
    I understand that you want to help gaijin lift their game, but I think it's unfair to take the mickey with some of the psychobabble.

    
    
56. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 16:53

    kurobuta,

    Again I want to emphasize that the main factor is whether she replies is how you interacted when you first met. You can email perfectly, but it's never going to get you anywhere by itself.

    Care to post the email though? I'm not claiming to be a master of email, but I could point out some of the bigger mistakes.

    Bonzo,

    "Fall for the dolphin"? It's just a random mail to let her know you aren't pissed at her for not replying fast enough. It's not a killer line, but it does work better than going, "Well, I guess you're too busy now.. Uh... let me know when you've got time."

    Some of what I write in this blog is time-tested, extremely powerful stuff, but a few things are just incremental improvements or new approaches to try. Not everything is gonna be am amazing, world-beating technique.

    The random email technique is just a quick thing to try before giving up, and only takes a second, so why not try it?

    
    
57. Posted by Bonzo [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 17:08

    Honestly speaking, the dolphin just makes you come across as a weirdo. Had a few bevvys with a hot Russian researcher last night. Unfortunately, she's back to the mother country this week.

    
    
58. Posted by Davo [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 20:37

    My experience has been that Japanese girls have been very easy to bed. I am not bad looking and blonde (gaijin plus). adding to that i ve come out of a long-termer with the mindset that i dont give a fuck... paradoxically, i ve found that this does wonders for girls' responsiveness. i would say the advice about being yourself is gold, with the added proviso that you approach with the confidence that its the girls loss to turn you down. anyway, my problem is not picking up, but putting down. any advice for:
    1) amicable partings without being a bastard? I have clingers and stalkers left right and centre.
    2) keeping in contact as fuck-buddies without the girls getting too emotionally invested in me?

    
    
59. Posted by kurobuta [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 21:23

    sure, I wrote in japanese, but in english what i basically wrote was..

    unfortunately, my schedule this week is kind of busy, but maybe we can meet this weekend or next week? tell me your available free day.

    what do you think.. any hope in that.. or completely wrong??3

    
    
60. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    01/03/2007, 22:04

    Bonzo,

    Yeah, I agree the dolphin example could make you sound odd. The point wasn't to talk about dolphins but just to say not connected to getting them to meet you. It doesn't have to be far out like that.

    Davo,

    Yes, Japanese girls are easier to bed on the whole. But there are still always girls you can't get, which you CAN get if you do thing differently. It's kinda like coming to a rich country from a poor country and saying, "Why are you guys talking about how to improve your business? I find money here is no problem."

    How to get rid of a girl? Assuming you don't want to tell her straight out, just do what the Japanese do: say you've got this huge project you're working on and will be super busy for a while, hardly even time to sleep. This honestly happens to people in Japan because people don't know when to cap their work hours.

    Then later say you've gotten even busier, and you'd like to meet, but can't for a while. She'll naturally find herself going colder to you, until she gives up hope. The key is that enough time has gone by where she's been OK even though you two haven't been meeting, that things are fine in the end.

    I'm more interested in #2: "keeping in contact as fuck-buddies without the girls getting too emotionally invested..."

    That can be tough. My strategy so far has been to, as I say, walk a middle ground and not get too mushy but not cold either. I find it's a slippery slope. Take a girl out to dinner and she has trouble holding back her feelings.

    Keep her focused on fucking and sucking.

    kurobuta,

    Without any idea how your interaction went when you first met I can only guess, but some general notes follow.

    "unfortunately, my schedule this week is kind of busy, but maybe we can meet this weekend or next week? tell me your available free day."

    What you wrote is solid, but if that was the whole mail it feels a bit dark. I mean, you don't seem excited to meet her.

    Email is not where I am strong and it's perhaps not where I should be offering advice, so take my comments as simply another viewpoint to consider.

    
    
61. Posted by Chris [ Reply ]
    02/03/2007, 00:52

    Hey Amanojack,

    First of all- I appreciate your asking the question. I think it's definitely true that the problems you have when starting out are different from the ones you have once you're well down the path- I think that's true in pretty much any endeavor you pursue.

    Anyway, my main issue is getting in state. In general I'm a pretty introverted dude and I think pretty deeply about things. But often times, when I go out with the intention of meeting girls, I can leave the thinking behind, and get in state where I can just talk to girls and have fun. Not saying I have mad skills by any means, but once I'm in a good state, the skills I have serve me well enough. So I'd say my main sticking point is to be able to get into that good state consistently. It's mainly a matter of being in a situation where I can say something that gets the girls laughing and smiling. But I'd really like to be able to get into that state when I want to go out and meet girls so I can get them laughing and smiling from the get go. Do you have any advice on that?

    Thanks,

    -Chris

    
    
62. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    02/03/2007, 09:29

    Chris,

    So girls laughing and smiling gets you into a good state to get them laughing and smiling, but you want to be able to generate that state artificially from the get go?

    I think all of us do. Mastering picking up girls is largely a game of mastering your state. And the rest is mainly mastering the girl's state. State is huge.

    I am an introverted guy by nature as well, but I can also get in great states at times where I change totally. I'm going to give you a totally consistent way to get into a fantastic mental state nearly instantly in any location that has hot women. But I'll warn you, it's painful.

    (Actually, Chris, I think you heard this one already from another post, but here it is in a different light.)

    What you do is first, make sure you are NOT in state. Go ahead, approach a very hot girl when you're NOT IN STATE.

    Now this'll be hard, and you'll likely fail because you're not in state. But...here is the key...you MUST give it you all. When I say "all" I mean do it as if your life depended on it. The harder she is, the more amazingly powerful state you will get into.

    If you do what I said above, you will get into state before that first interaction is through, even though you failed...

    ...and that is the beauty of it. You'll now be invulnerable to failure or the prospect of rejection. In fact you'll see that every failure makes you stronger. And every success makes you stronger. And that means...you're fucking invincible!

    There is no better state than that. For all you guys who've never been in this state, all you need to do is follow the above advice to the letter to experience it yourself.

    In your case specifically, I think you'll find that your normal introversion makes you feel this slight, very subtle vulnerability. You don't even notice its insidious effects on all your interactions. But once you start feeling invincible you'll be free to put yourself out there, say anything that comes to your mind, and of course be funny to get them laughing and smiling, starting the snowball effect.

    We all know success breeds more success and gets us into state, but if done the right way failure also breeds more success and gets you into state.

    Failure after a balls-to-the-wall effort actually works even better than success to boost your state. Why? Because when you succeed you only pushed yourself to the point where you broke through to success. But when you fail after a truly all-out effort, you push yourself and you just keep pushing way past where that breakthrough point would have been, toward infinite effort, until you really have done all you possibly can. This brings out super-human powers you never knew you had.

    
    
63. Posted by Davo [ Reply ]
    02/03/2007, 18:04

    just a follow up. your site is great inspiration. we only get one run at this life and then its back to oblivion - best make the most of every opportunity. somehow thats easier to say than to do and we sometimes need a little encouragement or prodding.
    anyway, today in the bank i looked up to see this stunning arse (thin woman, but still all the right curves and long legs for a japanese) in front of me getting a ticket. turns around with a gorgeous face and then she sits down beside me. at this point i think its my lucky day. after shooting the shit with her it turned out she was married with 4 fucking kids. oh well. she must have been pushing 40 but she was still super fine. amazing shit after 4 kids. back home, any woman over 30 and especially any that have had kids just lose all appeal for me. (how do they keep their figures? or more pertinantly, what are those hakujin doing wrong?)anyway, it felt good just have a crack at it. more of that positve reinforcement crap you keep on about. thanks!

    
    
64. Posted by damasta [ Reply ]
    02/03/2007, 23:17

    lol davo,

    it seems that u havent been in japan long enough to know how to judge the girls' ages..fyi dont just look at the body, look at the skin on the face and look at the skin on the hands. after 30yrs old, all jgirls no matter how hot, will show wrinkling/degradation of skin qual. on hands and on the face, the pores become more obvious and skin loses the 'freshness' and becomes a bit oilier. look closely at the skin of a 25yr old compared to 35yr old and u wont be fooled again lol. please call me 'masta' thanks

    
    
65. Posted by Juice [ Reply ]
    03/03/2007, 00:57

    Damn AJ, I'm envious of your traffic. Anyways, def agree on state. Its so easy to just sit there and do nothing, trying to work on bringing it up by yourself does absolutely jack shit.

    I plan on hittin up tokyo sometime in the near future. Imagine you and me... Street nampa... That would be a sight to see right there.

    
    
66. Posted by Koto Oshu [ Reply ]
    03/03/2007, 03:28

    I am writing a post about training myself in the way of nampa, but before I complete that, I'll just draw your attention to the fact that when I click December 2006 on your blog it yields this error at the bottom of the page :

    Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 16777216 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 393216 bytes) in /home/yourjapan/www/class/data/Date/TimeZone.class.php on line 143

    
    
67. Posted by Claudio [ Reply ]
    03/03/2007, 11:01

    Hello Amanojack.

    I think it's kinda offtopic but, is the rss feeds for the comments available? If so, it would help me a lot reading all the new comments and stay updated with everything here.

    I enjoy reading your blog a lot.

    Thank you very much!
    Claudio

    
    
68. Posted by mitaboy [ Reply ]
    03/03/2007, 11:31

    hi

    is it possible to do same day lay on street pickup?

    and if so, pointers and places or personality types

    
    
69. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    04/03/2007, 01:44

    Davo,

    Thanks! Japanese women sure do age well, huh? They often get hornier with age, too. damasta is also correct that you can tell the signs of aging once you know where to look: eyes, back of the hand, and hair roots at their part. Everything else can be doctored. But anyway, if she turns you on, what does it matter? I'll add that I once tried it with a 36-yo woman and the sex was fantastic, but she was a little too marriage-minded. I try to keep it in the early 20s myself.

    Juice,

    Sounds good to me. I'll be heading to Osaka pretty soon as well. Now I'm in the USA, but coming back next week.

    Koto Oshu,

    That should be interesting to see. Please post it here if you are so inclined. I'm not sure about and have no control over the inner workings of the site - the main page is yourjapan.jp - but thanks for letting me know all that same!

    Claudio,

    I'm not savvy enough to know about RSS feeds, but I think the only way to see the new comments is to go to the newest post. I haven't posted anything new for a while, so this post got really crowded with comments, but I'll be posting a new one very soon. Then most of the new comments should be there, with some perhaps remaining here as well. Need a better system for that, I know.

    
    
70. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    04/03/2007, 02:15

    mitaboy,

    Yes, it's very possible to do a same-day-lay from a street pickup. Percentages will be lower, partly because not every girl you approach is going to be available to spend time with you that day, but if she does have time it's just down to skill.

    There's not all that much difference between these two cases:

    1) You meet a girl on the street one day and take her out another day

    2) You meet a girl on the street one day and take her out in the same day

    The only advantage you have in the Day2 lay vs. say-day-lay is that time has passed so she feels more comfortable with you. It makes no sense, really, because you weren't together during that passage of time.

    You can correct this psychological glitch by using something called "venue changing". Take her to one place, then another, then another. It messes with her sense of time, getting her to feel she's known you longer - really just "corrects" her sense of time to make more sense. Sounds strange, but it works.

    Talk for a few minutes in a cafe, drop by a game center, start telling your stories in a little park (total time so far: 40-60 min), get a quick bite before going to the izakaya, then continue drinking at karaoke, where things can really get hot and heavy. Total time: 2-4 hours.

    You don't really need to even venue change that much. Just think of two venues as a single meet. By the time you're on the fourth venue it's like you've met each other twice already.

    Venue changing is useful to deal with the suddenness of it, but even more important is your own persistence and total mastery of all the skills. Of course this is all predicated upon your ability to get her to do the first venue change at all. That's where persistence is needed the most.

    One tactic to make the first venue change easier is using a false time constraint. Tell her you just wanna chat in a cafe for 10 minutes. Once she's coming with you, momentum will keep her there for longer, and you have 10 more minutes to persuade her to stay or go to the next venue. Basically, you buy yourself time to buy yourself more time, until you've reached the point where her interest is really sparked and her comfort is high enough for her not to run off.

    Once you've hit that point, you proceed like normal. Going for same-day-lay from street pickup is the ultimate satisfaction in the hunter-gatherer sense. It brings out your hidden super-powers.

    
    
71. Posted by mitaboy [ Reply ]
    04/03/2007, 07:23

    thanks!

    got it. seems like i kinda need to work the girls(ones who are alone) in my neighborhood to do this really well though. but i can imagine mapping out some venues that are one ot two stops a way that would lead to my room ha hah ha. for example i live near tamachi/mita station. which means that if i pu at yurakucho(ginza) through say gotanda i can pull it off

    
    
72. Posted by Mr Henry [ Reply ]
    04/03/2007, 11:31

    Hey,
    you're my hero Amanojack. You're ranking among that cop who saved my life when I was a kid trapped in blazing fire! No, really, your posts have been a huge assistance. My problem is basically that I don't even live in Japan but I'm into Japanese girls _and_ women that just looking at any other girl seems kinda like, uh, betrayal. I'm living in Germany and I'm studying Japanese at University but sadly I didn't have the chance to visit Japan just yet (I just started studying actually). I know a couple of Japanese girls living here but as you can figure it's quite hard to find 'em o'er here. So here's what keeps ailing me: I made friends with a Japanese girl/woman who is like 28 or 29 or something (guess I know jack shit about her, fuck!). I'm only 21 but I don't really care.
    I've met her only twice and for the purpose of language learning, which is a terrible starting position, I figured. And plues she is with this German jerk who is so dull and dumb. He didn't even manage to show much interest in Japanese or Japanese cookery. He's like He-man minus the muscles. But he's got this fierce, kinda pristine look in his eyes, maybe that does the trick. Anyway, he's incredibly stupid and boring (he talked to me endlessly although I do seem to interfere and cross his path, don't I). She doesn't seem to be dumb at all. She's rather calm and not well educated but never to the point of being bland. I'm so smitten actually and since her birthday is drawing close I am thinking of giving her a special present, something that opens her eyes a little. I feel like I need to build some platform of excitement to beckon her on. You catch my drift? Because, you see, I can't just walk to her and chat (I've met her only twice) and eye-contact and kiss her. Chances are that she'd just say "no" and that would ruin all my chances with her forever. So, I'd like her to think of it as a small romance, a casual thing that she could have with the wave of her hand (she's still got her fuck'n BF). And this is where a killer birthday present might come in handy, right? But I have no idea what it could be like. It shouldn't be too obvious but by no means half-assed either. I thought of something nice and personal like a mixtape or a movie, but nix on that , she'd never get that wink, 'cause there is none after all. I also thought of complementing her beauty an her looks (she's plain gorgeous) but I'm afraid that would be a tad too bold. It's a most fine line 'cause if I'll venture too far she'd be gone, gone, gone. So I thought of dropping little compliments on many occasions. Another thing that sucks big time is that a friend of her's is supposed to be there, as well, 'cause I'm teaching both of them a little German. The other girl is way hot, too, but she's freshly married and I'm not attracted to her that much anyway. And then I found twenty dollars. Well, feel free to make my day!

    P.S. Post is a bit sketchy, I assume. I'm not a native speaker, hope my points came through. Many thanks in advance!

    
    
73. Posted by mitaboy [ Reply ]
    04/03/2007, 21:07

    would anyone like to go hunting sometime? need to work on my street pick up. my target is the 24 to maybe 31ish '109' or 'OL' type. me: live in near tokyo tower

    
    
74. Posted by mitaboy [ Reply ]
    04/03/2007, 21:18

    more detail

    after 2120 weekdays or sat & sun?

    would anyone like to go sometime? need to work on my street pick up. my target is the 24y.o. to maybe 31ish '109' or 'OL' type. me: work in yurakucho. live near tokyo tower

    
    
75. Posted by Davo [ Reply ]
    05/03/2007, 18:44

    Mr Henry,

    my unsolicited advice is forget the present. u dont want to be the sweet guy while that moron is boning her. put that money towards a plane ticket to tokyo.
    personally, i wouldnt bother with boyfriended women.

    
    
76. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    06/03/2007, 00:31

    Mr Henry,

    I don't know where to begin. The bad news is that you need quite a lot of help. The good news is that you are doing so many basic things wrong that merely fixing them up will bring you way more success than you've ever had before. I was in the same position 7 years ago, but I learned the error of my ways, and you soon will, too.

    The other bad news is that you probably can't get the girl you're targetting right now. You'll need to practice on other women first, only then will you have the skills and understandings needed. However, once you get that practice you probably will have bigger fish to fry than that girl, but on the off-chance that you should choose to go after her again at that point, you'd have a good shot.

    Your message will make a great example, so I'm going to make a whole new post using your problem where I explain everything about your situation in detail and also, as a meaningless but educational sidenote, I'll tell you how you would maximize your chances with her right now.

    Look for the post soon.

    
    
77. Posted by Ronny [ Reply ]
    08/03/2007, 10:38

    Hi Amanojack and thanks for the blog!

    In your comment #45 here you wrote about the right attitude toward a girl before and after sex. Here's my situation, and I'd like to hear your advice.

    I'm living in Russia, and I'm way into this cute Japanese girl who is here for study. She's leaving Russia this summer, so things are closely resemble the example you gave in your comment: she will probably holding back her feelings, 'cause we'll get separated eventually. If I got you right, the most appropriate attitude from my side in this case would be acting like a player who looks for fun. The problem is, I doubt I'll be able to act like I only look for fun, mostly because I really like her (and I can't quite wrap my head around concept of "just looking for fun" when I'm really into her and not just out there for a lay), and also because I've certainly shown some interest in her (some; not to the degree I come out as needy). So, um, what is the right mindset to have and right attitude to take, given those circumstances?

    Also, analysing what you said, isn't "walking the middle path is best: not too cold, but not too hot too fast either" part kinda confilcts with "walking halfway between acting like you're only looking for fun and acting like you might want a relationship is lose-lose" one?

    
    
78. Posted by Amanojack [ Reply ]
    08/03/2007, 16:21

    Ronny,

    First thing that strikes me is if you really like her, what are you going to do when she leaves? It seems you'll have to accept she's leaving at some point, so you might as well re-calibrate yourself to just looking for fun with her from the start.

    If you really want her, and say maybe you want to try to convince her to stay her for you, the best way would be to get sex with her first. Then you'll have a lot more leverage. In order to do that, you may have to tone back your feelings a bit and just do what needs to get done to get the result you want.

    If you are already on sexual terms with her, you can still do this. Just make her have the fun time of her life, but tone back your feelings so she has room to extend her own feelings without fear of developing an attachment that will hurt when severed by your distance after she leaves. If you provide that feritle soil for her feelings to grow, they will.

    You both may not notice it until later, but meanwhile her feelings have been growing. It's just natural when two people are having sex. A few weeks later her feelings may start to reveal themselves subtly by subtle changes in her behavior. Then you can start to put things on more romantic terms.

    The "walking the middle path" is especially for right after sex, and it's the opposite of "walking halfway between acting like you're only looking for fun and acting like you might want a relationship" because the first one is staying to the middle while the second one is appearing to go both ways at the same time. Basically, don't give off romantic vibes until she does and you'll be fine. The other side of it is you don't have to be cold to her either...just stay neutral and enjoy.

    
    
79. Posted by Ray [ Reply ]
    09/03/2007, 22:34

    My sticking point is first few minutes. I really have trouble getting past "Hello, my name's XXX, what's yours?" point.

    
    
80. Posted by Ken [ Reply ]
    21/03/2007, 20:14

    Hey Amanojack

    Can i just first say that you are GOD!

    Your blog identifies almost everything i have been through in Japan with girls. I especially liked the part about girls not replying to you after your first meet up. That is sooo true ... This has bugged me a lot because it seemed that whenever i met a girl - only a few would actually follow up and i didn't know where i was going wrong. For example - in Gaspanic - i met a real cutie - Tomoko - she was gorgeous even other gaijins were telling me - you are onto a winner there and then she flirted with me like hell, gave me her number but when i tried to follow up i had no response. I texted her the same day i met her to ask when we could meet up again ! Was that too impatient on my part ?

    This happend with quite a few girls that i met or girls that i hadnt met and just exhanged e-mails. I started to doubt myself and my own appearance and presentability, but i just couldnt understand what the reason was (because i have had plenty of j gf already) .. why didnt they reply? its so frustrating! Here you are on your way home thinking that you met the most amazing girl tonight and had a wonderful time but then their is no follow up. Its like you have just met a Ghost who doesn't really exist in this world!

    I was full of contradictions and i figured that i must be missing out on something (maybe in the japanese way of dating) etc. However upon reflection I do remember getting girls quite easily when i was very carefree and confident and i think u have a very good point there.

    I met another girl from the internet the other day. I was nice to her etc but still no reply of my e-mail. I couldnt care less if i never met her again because she was butters but i just want to know the answer to this puzzle. Cant they just tell me what put them off ? I dont want to get depressed about these things. Girls tend to like me when i am carefree and not overwhelming.. well thats my analogy so far and i hope you can give me some advice.

    I recently received an e-mail from a jgirl 2 days ago who i met thru an ad for friends site and i replied with this and since then no response either ... what am i doing wrong ?

    "Thank you for your e-mail. Wow - i only posted my ad today and you were the first to reply. Thanks

    Oh by the way - Happy Birthday ... My birthday was on 8th Feb so we are both Aquarius. Do you like daydreaming ? I do .. haha

    Sure lets become friends. I am living in Tokyo now, how about you ?

    I added you to my msn list and we can talk when you are online."

    Even then no reply -- i did send the email twice by accident .. does that show impatience too ?