This series fits into the category of "fundamental knowledge and understanding of the principles of pickup" as explained here: http://amanojack.your-japan.com/post/22/421
Knowing how to touch a woman at all stages of the interaction is something no man should be without. Today I begin a series covering the basics and theory of how touch works in pickup and how and how not to use it. The articles follow a Q&A format, and I'll also open the forum up to additional questions at each stage.
When do I first touch a girl?
For
an arranged meeting (introduction from a friend, Internet first meet)
it should be with the first greeting. For other situations, it should
be at the first opportunity (her first "high point" - see below).
Why at first greeting/opportunity?
She
will accept that that's just how you are, so won't read anything too
much into it or the rest of the physical escalation that's coming...at least
not until she's too horny to care.
What if she doesn't like to be touched?
Touching
on the arm briefly is pretty non-invasive if done correctly (see
below), and assuming she is happy to meet you it will happen while
she is in the grip of a positive feeling anyway. From then on, anchoring (see below) ensures that she WILL like to be touched by you.
What is the "correct" way to do the first touch?
Today I'll start in on the standard advice, exhaustively field tested to be highly
effective. Throughout the series this will be frequently interrupted by explanations of theory,
so that you can think and use it for yourself rather than being reliant
on rules and instructions.
Rule 1. If an arranged meeting, touch her as
you say the first greetings. If not an arranged meeting, touch her the first time she is clearly
in the grip of a positive emotion. Try to find the timing where she
reaches the peak of that feeling and confine your touch to start AND
end within that peak time window. Laughter is usually the most obvious
peak, and we all know from personal experience that we go into a
slightly altered (positive) state for a brief moment when in the grip
of sincere laughter.
Why does the first touch have to be during the peak of good feelings? What does that do?
I
know you said "first touch" but I'm going to run with this and explain
it for touch in general. I'm no NLP expert, but I do know that this
works eerily well. First, if you are so inclined, read what an anchor
is here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anchoring_%28NLP%29
More
simply, when you touch her during the peak of the positive emotion, she
begins to associate your touch with positive feelings. After a few
times of doing this carefully, you can touch her even when she's not in
the grip of a good feeling, and it will feel good to her and she won't know why.
The "she won't know why" aspect is key. It's mysterious that for some reason - especially
if she usually hates to be touched - she finds your touch to make her
feel really good. See what this implies to her subconsciously? Who
else's casual touching feels inexplicably good to her?
Maybe
I can see what you mean. Like when I have a girl I really like...if she
even holds my hand it feels so good for some reason.
That's
exactly it. Love, attraction...these things are all created most
powerfully when a person doesn't know WHY it's happening. If you show her
how amazing you are and how handsome, etc., she will naturally be
attracted but part of her remains defiant. With anchored touch it's the
opposite.
I think that's enough for today. Please ask for clarification on anything. The implications of what I've said so far are pretty major, so feel free to check and object and ask about what if's.
16/10/2007, 06:19
Christ, and to think I kinda liked that comments were opened up. Oh well, it's easy to bypass the chaff.
Good motivating advice as always AJ.
A big thing with a hand shake or hand shake/elbow caress seems to be that you don't see Japanese people shaking hands as a rule. It's non-aggressive yet still gets into the personal space. Plus it gets excused/accepted as being a gaijin thing. I think most of us are used to keeping our hands to ourselves, yet I can think how I like a person better when he or she seems to want to shake hands or pats on the shoulder right off the bat.
18/10/2007, 13:05
Charles,
I specifically avoid handshakes because they set up a businesslike frame, which negates the touching escalation benefit. I've sometimes fallen back on handshakes when I wussed out of proper touching, but I've always regretted it because it set up a frame of distance that proved hard to break. My whole frame is that it's natural that we be touching.
18/10/2007, 20:11
Honest question:
What kind of thrill do you get from manipulating (employing psychobabble, hypnotic techniques, and the rest of it) impressionable Japanese girls into having sex with you and writing technical manuals that more or less, or exquisitely, objectifies Japanese women and in effect dehumanizing them? This isnt a hate question...I am naturally curious.
21/10/2007, 19:36
iconoclast,
I'm glad to have a skeptical comment without the flamebait and ad hominem attacks. Could you specify which parts strike you as manipulation, objectification, and/or dehumanization? If I knew what text specifically you're referring I could rebut, clarify or recant as appropriate. I would never write something that I felt led to anything like that, so you would be doing me a service by pointing these things out.
22/10/2007, 14:44
I don't really need to point anything in your blog that exemplifies your acts of manipulation, objectification, and dehumanization. The proof is in the pudding. Your blog reads like a science manual to game Japanese girls, filled with all kinds of technical labels and categorical shortcuts. Maybe you will accuse me of being too simplistic in my judgment--you will perhaps show me that the PUA discourse fizzles out in the sphere of real-life encounter; that the women, in effect, become 'real' people in the sense that they are palpable, in a real physical sense and in a spiritual, fluffy kind of sense (e.g., you are able to 'influence' their emotions). But having read your blog (and it shows that you are quite the adept at picking up Japanese girls, I believe your stories and you seem very skilled in 'pick up' like the other PUAs) I realized that, in the grand scheme of your perspective, Japanese women 'exist' only to be 'picked up' and 'satisfied' in the lowest and most primitive way possible (although, you do have the knack to give your exploits noble airs--a commendable, literary sleight of hand, might I add) ruining any potential they may have (and I do believe Japanese girls have the potential for this) for earnestness and instead opening them up to fickleness, encouraging them to prioritize 'good sex' over stability (I assure you, 'good sex' will not help a girl when she is in a real existential dump), and making them see, in a the most limited and unfreeing perspective, that a 'stable' relationship is only maintained, contradictorily, through childish, non-committed sexual games where the man-child imposes his charisma on woman-girl to get the toy he wants.
Seriously though, I have hope for you and all the beautiful women that fawn over you.
icon
22/10/2007, 18:05
iconoclast,
You'll know when the comments are mine when they sound reasonable and stay up after the other trolling is deleted. Sorry that I have no way to screen the comments at present, other than to delete trolls from time to time.
As to your questions, first I'd like to say I appreciate your sincere inquiry, and I welcome the chance to shed light on some of the issues you've raised.
The first point of contention I can see is my methodical, almost scientific approach to what by rights ought to be a natural endeavor unaided by special tricks, tactics and strategies. You seem to be saying that purely by being scientific, it is dehumanizing, as if treating women like test subjects.
My response: In modern society, people do not get by simply by acting any old way they want to. We all make conscious choices about how we influence people. If you've ever smiled when you didn't feel happy, ever greeted someone you didn't feel like greeting, ever made eye contact with someone when you were afraid to - you've already participated in such behavior as I'm suggesting on the blog. You've already "manipulated" someone. Every social nicety we have is some kind of manipulation, and it is used methodically by every person in society to get things they want. Some use it better than others. Some use it for good and some for ill.
Let me give a more concrete example related to touching. Women want sex just as much as we do, if not more. However, society frowns on the woman being the advancer. For her it has to "just happen." If you find the love of your life and she is just as smitten with you, she expects everything to "just happen." But things generally don't. The simple fact is, if you do not get so sex fast enough, you'll lose her to someone who does, and then he will often get to be the one she sees as her soul mate. She DESIRES for you to get to sex with her fast - to find a way to make it work, to make it socially acceptable for her to indulge. And you want that, too - not just for your personal pleasure but to secure the bonds of love with her before some other guy does.
Messing up the physical escalation could lose you your dream girl. It happens every day, all over the world. And I don't mean going straight for the pussy and freaking her out. I mean not making the escalation happen fast enough and appear natural enough for her not to feel like a slut. The average inexperienced guy will take months to get near sex with a girl and STILL make her feel like she was the one responsible, meaning she won't go through with it and the chances of them ever getting and staying together drop toward zero.
Used by an ethical person, there is no manipulation in these techniques, only cooperation and quite welcome cooperation at that. The woman is looking for you to find some kind of way where it is suddenly OK to have sex. Dehumanizing and objectifying are what the inexperienced guys end up doing as they stumble around looking for the solution. Feel free to ask more about this or anything else.
As to the next contention, about good sex vs. stability and helping her out of something, etc. I'm going to assume that you agree with me that a woman who is highly attracted to you is easier to keep than one who is only mildly so. You've used the words "childish" and "game" and yet I think you'll agree with the sentence above, so I have no reason to refute those parts. Only I wouldn't say "childish" but rather "enlightened" (see the first part of this comment for why). In other words, anything that keeps her attraction to you very high would maintain high stability as long as you respected and treated her well, as per common sense. This has played out in many many of my own interactions with women so far, and let me assure you that the resulting relationship can be as real and mature as you want it to be, and last as long as you want - even for life.
I think the primary thing that disturbs and disconcerts people is the realization that we are controlled by suggestive influences all that time, and even our love emotions are subject to that. I don't like the fact that things are this way, but I am practical enough to realize that reality is as such and work to take the necessary steps to ensure my happiness and the happiness of those I come in contact with. If anyone is wondering, these understandings and techniques can be used for things besides sexual pleasure. You can use them to cure disorders and emotional stress. In fact, I cured a girl of bulimia three months after we met. She'd been suffering from the disease for five years. This is through the "manipulation" you speak of. I got her to see me as a very important person in her world, and I used that to ensure she took the advice I gave her. I prefer the role of provider of sexual pleasure, but if I see someone in need and I see a good chance to use what I know to help I often do. In another case recently, I've cured a girl of depression and got her a much better boyfriend than her last one (neither of which are me). If I was lusting after her due to lack of freedom of choice with women I could never have accomplished these things.
So what gives me the thrill? It's knowing that I know how to
1) Create the opportunity to demonstrate what I have to offer to women I am attracted to
2) Make them happy - usually primarily through sex and other physical pleasure but sometimes through romance, relationships, and even help in their life if I really think they need it and I'm capable of helping
3) Helping others into a position where they can do the same
Any more questions or even deeper discussion on the above are welcome, because I myself came from similar thinking many years ago and thought through all of this VERY carefully and at length. I can for that reason stand behind every single thing I do, and in the event that I did happen to overlook something I'd equally appreciate it being pointed out.
23/10/2007, 11:46
It is nice for you to type a long reply justifying your reasons like that but I still don't buy it. Like I said, your writing makes your exploits noble, but your intentions are quite transparent.
It is much different to use a smile, even if you are not feeling happy, to maintain 'social harmony' than to use all kinds of physical and psychological techniques to convince her that she is not a slut. You talk about the average inexperienced guy who makes the girl feel responsible for the sex--what makes you different from him? The fact that he is simply lusting her? NO, the difference between you and him is that you have a bigger toolbox (no pun intended) than he does, and you can use it skillfully, notwithstanding both of your intentions.
"Messing up the physical escalation could lose you your dream girl. It happens every day, all over the world. And I don't mean going straight for the pussy and freaking her out. I mean not making the escalation happen fast enough and appear natural enough for her not to feel like a slut. The average inexperienced guy will take months to get near sex with a girl and STILL make her feel like she was the one responsible, meaning she won't go through with it and the chances of them ever getting and staying together drop toward zero."
This is correct, if the assumption that all women--especially your dream woman--place a premium on sex in a relationship is also correct. I know of couples to this day that have been married, but haven't even got down yet! I know couples (like my parents) who 'saved' it for their marriage and to this day, they have kept their vows and are earnest lovers up to this day. A posteriori, your assumption that all women place a premium on sex is faulty. So it is possible then that you can still go after your dream girl, even if you haven't physically escalated anything with her. I've made some seriously 'deep connections' with girls that last to this day, and I didn't even have to have sex with them.
"Used by an ethical person, there is no manipulation in these techniques, only cooperation and quite welcome cooperation at that. The woman is looking for you to find some kind of way where it is suddenly OK to have sex. Dehumanizing and objectifying are what the inexperienced guys end up doing as they stumble around looking for the solution. Feel free to ask more about this or anything else."
There is something really awkward with your phrasing here or you are really confused. Of course you are not aiming for 'rape' (the opposite of co-operation), if you were aiming for that, I would've hired my federal buddies to track your ass down.
"The woman is looking for you to find some kind of way where it is suddenly OK to have sex."
Again, this is another assumption on your part. There is a reason why a girl puts up her defenses when a guy is closing in on her. If you are speaking about Japanese society placing the pressure on her to be a slut...I think you would be wrong on that part. As I know it, Japanese society is very open to sexuality, never have I encountered a society that tolerates infidelity and adultery...all in the name of sex. Since you classify women (Japanese women in this case) as the type to place a premium of sex, I believe it would be fruitless to convince you at this point that to carefully think about why some women put up anti-sex defenses.
"Dehumanizing and objectifying are what the inexperienced guys end up doing as they stumble around looking for the solution."
Are you kidding me? Are you saying that because these guys lack skills, that they end up dehumanizing and objectifying a girl? You mean to say that all it takes is skills to NOT dehumanize and objectify a girl? You really are good my man, but I don't have a pussy, so I ain't getting wet from your smooth talk.
"I think the primary thing that disturbs and disconcerts people is the realization that we are controlled by suggestive influences all that time, and even our love emotions are subject to that."
This is another way to say that you can't control yourself, correct? I've been celibate for a number of years, so my 'love emotions'--whatever that may be--have been kept under my reins.
"I think the primary thing that disturbs and disconcerts people is the realization that we are controlled by suggestive influences all that time, and even our love emotions are subject to that. I don't like the fact that things are this way, but I am practical enough to realize that reality is as such and work to take the necessary steps to ensure my happiness and the happiness of those I come in contact with. If anyone is wondering, these understandings and techniques can be used for things besides sexual pleasure. You can use them to cure disorders and emotional stress. In fact, I cured a girl of bulimia three months after we met. She'd been suffering from the disease for five years. This is through the "manipulation" you speak of. I got her to see me as a very important person in her world, and I used that to ensure she took the advice I gave her. I prefer the role of provider of sexual pleasure, but if I see someone in need and I see a good chance to use what I know to help I often do. In another case recently, I've cured a girl of depression and got her a much better boyfriend than her last one (neither of which are me). If I was lusting after her due to lack of freedom of choice with women I could never have accomplished these things."
Wow, that's brilliant! It seems like you are making the world a better place...perhaps you should start a program, or promote a lifestyle that facilitates pick up skills and sex skills, because from your testimony, you're really 'pickin' these girls up. Any new reports? Has the girl who you miraculously cured from bulimia been fully cured? Or does she still have bouts of bulimia? How about the girl with depression? Did good sex teach her a universal truth about finding the right guy? Perhaps 'good sex' is the secret to finding the good man? Do you think you can explain the miracle that occurs when good sex allows the 'receiver' of good sex to become a better person? If the last girl you screwed compelled her to find a better guy, wouldn't it be better that she stick with you and not the other guy..I mean, just in case she didn't fall in love with you and she won't bring you in the relationship? I mean, I don't think it would be fair for her mind to hold you as a paradigm of an ideal man while she hopes--and will probably fail miserably--to bring out the same qualities that characterize you in the current dude she's dating. In other words, I think it would be unfair for her to be thinking about you while she pretends to be in love with her current man. I understand your motives though--it is quite empowering and good for you to furtively make her feel happy in that way. Do your kino and 'sexual' techniques always ensure a good connection between you and the woman you are attracted to? Also, this 'good connection' must be also good for those who're married. Has your sexual power ever improved marriages? I can see you build a connection with the wife, but how far does it go? Can the wife take your connection and put it in the husband? How is she able to do this? Can you explain it? I am sure that since you're the man, you can improve relationships in which the couple is 80% happy to a 100%. Do you think there should be an avenue where married women, from a spectrum of totally unsatisfied to completely satisfied (well-intentioned sex providers can help the couples be 'oversatisfied' in their relationships), can seek well-intentioned sex providers to maximize the satisfaction in their marriage? I ask this not because I'm a stickler, I ask because I am naturally curious, and I am seriously considering the prospects of being a PUA for the reason that it has the potential to make people better individuals. I have never considered sex in this aspect--I always saw that in Taoist sex practises and in other sacred sexual manuals that sex can be so ethereal, lofty. I would have never thought that it would empower all the former losers into messiahs and saviours of this frustrated world. I would never thought that sex would be the vehicle to restore the universe to perfect equilibrium. I mean, it is a means to an end after all. You might be jedi mind tricking and hypnotizing the girl to have sex with you, but in the end, you are making her a happy person in the end, and in effect, turning the world into a much better place where openness and liberality is embraced and the existentially limiting virtues of earnestness, loyalty, and commitment are outlawed. You might be committing infidelity with a married woman, but in the end, it makes the marriage better--she might think about you as she improves her marriage to the maximum while her husband is completely oblivious to the fact, but at least it makes their marriage, better, no? I have some game down, so I was wondering how I can improve to seduce the girl to the truth. Of course, I have my reservations, and this is why I am asking such thorough questions.
In any case, thank you for the discussion. I really appreciate you taking the time justifying your reasons for what others may think a questionable lifestyle. Rock out with your cock out!
Blessings
iconoclast
23/10/2007, 17:42
iconoclast,
Here here for someone actually bringing some good debate to my blog. I appreciate this, again, as even if you should manage to prove me wrong, everyone wins. Now to your well-reasoned points.
"It is much different to use a smile, even if you are not feeling happy, to maintain 'social harmony' than to use all kinds of physical and psychological techniques to convince her that she is not a slut. You talk about the average inexperienced guy who makes the girl feel responsible for the sex--what makes you different from him? The fact that he is simply lusting her? NO, the difference between you and him is that you have a bigger toolbox (no pun intended) than he does, and you can use it skillfully, notwithstanding both of your intentions."
I pretty much agree with you here, although there IS a big difference in terms of lusting after girls. In particular, the guy who has not freedom of choice with women is far more likely to be controlled by that lust (lust itself not being inherently bad) and make poor decisions that hurt himself and others because of it. Our world is rife with the ill consequences of this lack of freedom.
"I know couples (like my parents) who 'saved' it for their marriage and to this day, they have kept their vows and are earnest lovers up to this day. A posteriori, your assumption that all women place a premium on sex is faulty."
I'm not saying they place a premium on it. Indeed, many women believe they could care less. Yet in fact, the man who gets to sex quicker with them does something to light the fire in her heart. That something is well explained by the Cialdinian Consistency Principle as outlined in previous posts. And that's just average sex, not even getting into the additional emotional bonds brought about by good or excellent sex. But to be clear, it's not merely the physical pleasure given by good sex, but the bonds it creates through the psychological effects it naturally exerts. Sure, we can come up with all kinds of examples where people stayed together without sex. However, what happens when a man is so seductive that he successfully seduces a girl who is trying to save sex for marriage? If she acted of her own free will (that is, it was not rape - a tacit assumption when I use the word "seduce"), what will happen to her feelings for the man who seduced her? What of her feelings toward the man she was saving sex for? Fortunately or unfortunately, her feelings will strongly tend to gravitate toward the seducer. I agree this can be sad, but it is reality and I can do nothing to change it. It matters little who is the better man at that stage, and there is the great injustice. The better man can only learn of these facts and work with them - hopefully he'll find my blog or another resource that will allow him to salvage the situation.
"So it is possible then that you can still go after your dream girl, even if you haven't physically escalated anything with her. I've made some seriously 'deep connections' with girls that last to this day, and I didn't even have to have sex with them."
I fully agree. It is entirely possible, and I have done it myself and seen it happen with others. Sex is not a requirement, but it is the most reliable and fast way to ensure that connection happens for most women. This again is primarily described by Cialdini, but you need only search your own experience to see more evidence of this. The counterexamples are usually simply cases where such a wild card seducer never appears on the scene in the first place, or doesn't succeed in getting her to want sex.
"There is something really awkward with your phrasing here or you are really confused. Of course you are not aiming for 'rape' (the opposite of co-operation), if you were aiming for that, I would've hired my federal buddies to track your ass down."
I don't get what you mean to say here. What I'm pointing out is that men and women are often in a position where they both want to have sex, but the woman is not allowed by society to give many hints and the inexperienced man has to stumble around and guess at if she really wants it and how to escalate to that point without pushing and without on the other hand going too slowly.
["The woman is looking for you to find some kind of way where it is suddenly OK to have sex."]
"Again, this is another assumption on your part."
No, this is a fact, confirmed both by extensive experience and from candid exchanges with many women on the subject by me and many other men around the world. Society puts restrictions of how women are allowed to express their sexuality.
"There is a reason why a girl puts up her defenses when a guy is closing in on her."
To be precise, there are several possible reasons: she is not ready, she is being made to feel responsible for it (feel "like a slut"), she doesn't want to, she wants to but feels doing so will damage some other relationship or thing she holds dear, etc.
"If you are speaking about Japanese society placing the pressure on her to be a slut...I think you would be wrong on that part. As I know it, Japanese society is very open to sexuality, never have I encountered a society that tolerates infidelity and adultery...all in the name of sex."
I believe you are correct that the "slut" issue is less significant in Japan. However, it is replaced by the agenda issue, which leads to the same responses. The agenda issue is stated as: she has something she wants from you - a boyfriend, English lessons, a friendship, money, free rides, etc. and she believes that giving you sex will deprive her of those things. So she withholds sex even if she desires it physically. So yes, to be exactly precise, it's not necessarily the Western "anti-slut factor" that causes this phenomenon, but for most practical intents and purposes there is little need to distinguish the two. Since, however, we are getting into ethical topics I think the distinction is noteworthy here.
"Since you classify women (Japanese women in this case) as the type to place a premium of sex, I believe it would be fruitless to convince you at this point that to carefully think about why some women put up anti-sex defenses."
Again, I don't believe they place a premium on sex consciously, but rather that they have a strong unconscious reaction to having had sex, especially quickly and especially if it runs counter to her conditioning. I have thought carefully about why they put of anti-sex defenses, and my conclusions are partially summarized above.
["Dehumanizing and objectifying are what the inexperienced guys end up doing as they stumble around looking for the solution."]
"Are you kidding me? Are you saying that because these guys lack skills, that they end up dehumanizing and objectifying a girl? You mean to say that all it takes is skills to NOT dehumanize and objectify a girl?"
Not exactly. Anyone who has interacted with many women or people in general knows that they can interpret things in ways you didn't intend and take insult and be shamed by words that contained no malice or ill intent. If you can buy that, I think the connection to what I'm saying above is pretty clear. And then, there are the guys who out of desperation try strange tactics like getting the girl to promise they will have sex later, or placing ANY expectations on them in that regard, even by getting married. To take it to the extreme, expecting your wife to "put out" just because she married you is definitely a form of dehumanizing her. It says that without regard to whether she ever in the future desires to have sex, she must comply by force of contract. So I'm not saying everyone thinks this, way, but many inexperienced guys do get to such points through frustration - which could easily be averted by having the skills and understandings I teach, as well as the freedom of choice they impart.
["I think the primary thing that disturbs and disconcerts people is the realization that we are controlled by suggestive influences all that time, and even our love emotions are subject to that."]
"This is another way to say that you can't control yourself, correct? I've been celibate for a number of years, so my 'love emotions'--whatever that may be--have been kept under my reins."
As I don't know you, I have no way of knowing if this is the result of strength of will or lack of opportunity. Since I can't rule out the latter case I don't see how this applies.
Your next paragraph was quite weighty with many questions, but I'll do my best to parse it.
"Wow, that's brilliant! It seems like you are making the world a better place...perhaps you should start a program, or promote a lifestyle that facilitates pick up skills and sex skills, because from your testimony, you're really 'pickin' these girls up. Any new reports?"
Maybe I will start such a program. I don't usually post lay reports unless they happen to illustrate some important concept.
"Has the girl who you miraculously cured from bulimia been fully cured?"
She had a brief relapse before her wedding three years later in an effort to look thinner for her wedding, but has been doing fine since then.
"How about the girl with depression? Did good sex teach her a universal truth about finding the right guy?"
In her case, having sex with her cemented our connection to the point where she trusted me on a deep level and would take my advice. I gave good advice and she followed it without question, resulting in immediate improvement. I met her and her new boyfriend last week and she seemed great and has a new job (was unemployed before).
"Perhaps 'good sex' is the secret to finding the good man?"
No, not really. For her, she needed a supportive man who had a high self-esteem and was ready to commit to a relationship. I led her to such a man and they're living happily as of now.
"Do you think you can explain the miracle that occurs when good sex allows the 'receiver' of good sex to become a better person?"
1) Sexual pleasure is good for you, reduces stress, etc. It also teaches her how to have good sex with her future boyfriends/husband so she can keep him more satisfied and have a healthier relationship. I'm not saying sex is the only factor, but it is a significant one.
2) IF the man knows what he's doing and cares about her, he can offer help if needed, by virtue of his closeness provided through sex. Again, this can be done without sex, and this is not the main point of MY activities, but it is something good that can be done and sex is one of the most effective ways to achieve that closeness.
"If the last girl you screwed compelled her to find a better guy, wouldn't it be better that she stick with you and not the other guy."
She wanted (wants? I haven't asked recently because I don't want to disturb their relationship) to marry me, but I'm not ready for that at this point in my life. That's why I advised her repeatedly to find a good boyfriend with high self esteem AND desire to be her boyfriend, which I don't have.
"I don't think it would be fair for her mind to hold you as a paradigm of an ideal man while she hopes--and will probably fail miserably--to bring out the same qualities that characterize you in the current dude she's dating."
You raise an interesting point. With the things I know how to do, it is possible in theory to make her be more attracted to him. I cannot be sure if this has been an overall successful project for her until a few years down the road I guess. My main goal was to bring an old friend out of depression and into something healthier so she could find a new life path.
"Do your kino and 'sexual' techniques always ensure a good connection between you and the woman you are attracted to? Also, this 'good connection' must be also good for those who're married. Has your sexual power ever improved marriages? I can see you build a connection with the wife, but how far does it go? Can the wife take your connection and put it in the husband? How is she able to do this? Can you explain it? I am sure that since you're the man, you can improve relationships in which the couple is 80% happy to a 100%."
I avoid taken women as much as possible as I just don't like the idea of risking the ruination of happy relationships. Certainly there are cases where the girl is not happy and needs some way out, but I'm rarely in good position to make such a judgment call. In theory, the techniques of pickup can be used to strengthen relationships with third parties. Touching and sex alone would not generally be enough for anything but the relationship between me and the woman, but verbal seduction techniques could certainly be applied to move her attraction to the husband or boyfriend. Also, not in theory but in my practical experience, I know it is possible to de-attract a woman so she fall out of love with you. I did this for the former bulimic girl in order so that she would not feel sad when I left her to her own devices. Not a hard thing to do of course, although it can be a little trickier than one might suppose. For example, telling her your bad qualities will not necessarily help. It can even do the opposite.
As to sex being ethereal, lofty...I certainly aim for it to be like this. But here's the catch: the first sex is pretty important to get to quickly. Each time you have sex after that, you can do it however you want. I don't usually enjoy the first sex much anyway - it's more a formality. Indeed, the very first sex is partially a means to an end - a means to getting the 2nd and 3rd and more...the chance to enjoy the ethereal without the worry that some other guy will come sweep her away first, since you have already done that. Once it's out of the way, the relationship has a fair degree of security and I no longer have to follow strict rules but instead can prioritize the ethereal enjoyment aspects. I'm in full agreement with you here. But keep in mind I'm not talking about married women - I don't know why you went into that topic.
Essentially I was 7 years ago at the turning point you seem to be nearing now. Or maybe you're just pulling my chain. Either way, you're a man (I assume) and I know you stand to benefit from this discussion whether you now realize that or not.
To summarize here:
1) These tools are only as ethical as the users.
2) Sex is the surest way to give yourself the opportunity to get into the deepest of relationships as fast as possible. It doesn't guarantee this, and it is not impossible to achieve this without sex.
3) I believe freedom of choice with women is good, in particular because it gives you the power to choose the woman of your dreams and stay with her because you know you didn't compromise when you chose her.
4) These tools and understandings help men keep the women they want highly attracted to them for as long as they want.
5) The issue of whether these tools will actually be used to increase the happiness in the world is an open one. I certainly hope so, and I believe that at this stage in history the dissemination of these techniques will have a net positive effect on people.
More constructive questions/comments/debate/requests for clarification are always appreciated.
24/10/2007, 10:51
Hi AJ,
I got a question for you about my latest project.
Met this J-girl and we went out quite a lot. Third time we met, I took her to a lounge and I managed to get a KC. All french. She was very into it, even in the parking lot. After that, since i always got logistic problem with LTR at home, I couldn't take her to my place. I drove her home and we kissed goodbye. (maybe I should've laid her in the car? )
since things look well, i took her to out of town for 2 nights. Then things started to get cold. Before we left, I took her to my place (LTR was out) and how well I cleaned up the place from LTR stuff (LTR is Jchick), i forgot one or two JP stuff on the wall. She started asking me if I have J-gf and things like that. I just said I had an ex, who was Jp. All the nights when out of town, she was cold in the room and gave me LMR. Her LMR is like turning her body away from me on the bed and just simply said "sorry" "i cant" etc. when I started to get physical.
What do you do if you were me with this kind of LMR? it's just tough to turn her over again. haha
Then, after trip was over, and the next time we met. I tried to kiss her and she said "i can't do that" and turned her head away. until now.
Then, she sent me an email saying that she recently had a new BF and if you want to be friend, please contact me and we can just be friend. haha.
I pretended i never received the email. So i SMS-ed her and said hi.
funny thing, next week and weeks, she always SMS-ed me and ask me if i wanna hang out with her to clubs and stuff. I was thinking "where is the damn BF?"
Can you crack this J code for me, AJ? Thanks for any comments and help... I'm learning a lot from you. Thanks for all your help and blog.
24/10/2007, 23:27
clutch,
You should have laid her in the car, if possible. Because that was your third date - the virtual cliff after which your chances go way way down if you haven't gotten to sex by then.
If anyone wants to know this happens, it could be because a pattern gets established where - by Cialdini
http://amanojack.yourjapan.jp/post/22/224
she justifies to herself that she should not be having sex with you, simply because she hasn't done so by now.
In other words, the best strategy is to put her on the back burner and start over with other women.
24/10/2007, 23:28
To iconoclast: Let's continue our interesting debate in the next post...